IMPORTANT - Must be prepared at all times!

When I woke up this morning I decided I needed to go work out. Before leaving for the gym I had a Strawberry Shake (1 cup frozen sliced strawberries, 1/2 cup skim milk and 1 packet of stevia, blended until smooth - only 71 calories). After enjoying my shake, I headed to Curves. I had a GREAT workout in very good company. I love meeting new people and hearing their story. After the gym, I ran home to pick up the kids and go do errands. I wasn't really hungry so I didn't even think about grabbing a lunch to go. We hit the streets and begin the weekend hustle. Before you know it, it's 5:00, I haven't had a bite to eat and I am getting a headache. I take a few Advil's and am trying to get home. I can't risk going to a Fast Food joint, I might cave. I finally get home and cook dinner, all is well. I made spaghetti with 100% whole grain pasta. I went to eat, and had a few bites and then decided to eat a salad with a grilled chicken breast in the fridge.

I certainly didn't mean to go so long without eating, I don't want to confuse my body or put it in starvation mode. It made me realized how prepared you really need to always be. Of course, I am not planning on installing a fridge in my car or anything but I really do need to educate myself to learn about healthy choices that can be found at fast food places or restaurants. I've heard those stories where some salads have more calories than a burger and fries so I just want to make sure I am making good choices.

Does anyone out there have any suggestions for fast food or restaurants?

Mashed Potatoes and Cream Gravy...

Really sounds so good about right now, but no worries, I have not indulged. Today has been a good day. It's Friday night and man, wouldn't it be nice to go out to eat. I am not ready for that one yet. To avoid appetizers and all the good carbs you can find?!?!?! Not sure I could resist. A friend invited me to go out last night for dinner and drinks...I declined, I explained that I was working on eating healthier and not smoking (2 1/2 days down, heck yea!) and my friend, yes, I said my friend, says... girl don't worry, just bring a pack of cigarettes and you can eat what you want for one day. I was like, am I hearing this, my ears must be clogged.. but no, she said it again, don't worry, one day won't hurt. Something in me snapped, Of course one day matters, heck, on disastrous meal can ruin someone going strong... and then out of no where, the words out of my mouth "ACTUALLY, it does matter, it's time I put myself first and my health is more important than dinner and drinks!" WOW, I think I actually did it, I put my needs and wants in front of someone else. Has an alien taken over me, has my mind been warped???? No, I finally decided to make a change and I am sticking to it! After I did the little happy dance, I rewarded myself with a homemade vegetarian egg roll, I baked it instead of frying, it wasn't as good but it was still good.

Okay, I didn't post my calories yesterday... here are my stats for 01/07

Total Calories: 1129 cal
Fat(g) Carbs(g) Prot(g) Cals
41.86 120.76 85.27 1129

So far today, I am at 775... the night is young and it is Friday night, I am going to try to keep anything else consumed down to a bare minimum.

Didn't sleep well and I cheated :(

Ugh, short lived glory. So last night, after I blogged, I picked out a movie to watch as I laid down. It hits me, I really want a snack... I look in the pantry and there was not one single healthy snack. Hmmmm... popcorn, that's not bad, couldn't be... well actually, the extreme butter popcorn I found sitting on my shelf was out of the question (need to pick up some fat free popcorn sometime this week). I decided to have a peep talk with myself, drank a glass of water and the verdict was in, it was just too late to eat. Well, well, what do you know? I did it, I actually said no. Wow, I am off to a good start and feel pretty good about myself.

After watching my movie for about 15-20 minutes, the desire to snack was back (little bastard, didn't stay gone for long) and it was strong. I get up, have another glass of water and decided I better go to sleep before I do something crazy. I turn off the lights and cuddle up with my warm and toasty blankets, I was off counting sheep in La La Land in no time. The next thing I know, it's 11:35pm and suddenly I wake up and man, I want a snack. I firmly tell myself "NO," I am going back to sleep. 12:45am, awake again... roll my eyes, frustrated and trying my best to burn the white flag, I can't surrender... no late night snacks! Back to sleep I go, 1:38am, my goodness are you serious, why can't I sleep? I want a snack, No No No, I rant and rave within myself, just go to sleep, wait until morning and have a good healthy breakfast. I roll over and go back to sleep. 2:50am, AWAKE AGAIN and damn it, I WANT a snack... of for the sake of sleeping, I am eating a snack. To the kitchen I go, I did my best to eat a healthy snack. I ate 2 servings (which I should just admit is 6 slices, 2 servings sounds so much better) of 98% Fat Free Turkey Lunch Meat and a Low Fat Mozzarella String Cheese. I ate 3 Slices of Turkey standing at the fridge, the other three on the way to my room and I ate the cheese as I was getting back in bed. There you have it folks, in less than 5 minutes, I consumed 190 calories. I don't even remember finishing the cheese but I was finally able to fall asleep.

I woke up at 4:40am, I checked the bed to make sure there was no cheese left over, thank goodness there was not. Of course, I feel extremely guilty and ashamed of myself. How do you become so addicted that you literally wake up every hour until you finally pacify the desire to self destruct and eat? I wasn't even upset, it didn't seem to be something emotional, I just had this desire for a snack. Is it in my mind? I don't know but I hate that I gave in so quickly.

I can't let this be a pit fall, I still have 358 days to go. I am going to move past last night and keep working towards my goal of health, overcoming obesity and my addiction to food. It is so easy to be discouraged and quit, but I can't. I have to finally put myself first and learn to keep going.

I think I will start today with a healthy high protein breakfast, egg whites with veggies and salsa or something like that. I will take it Day by Day, maybe even Meal by Meal... whatever it takes, I must keep moving forward.

P.S. I haven't smoked a cigarette in over 32 hours.

Feeling great....

I am so excited to say that last night I did not get up and raid the fridge or have a single bite to eat. This is a milestone in itself! Honestly.

Today was a good day as well. Went to help a friend today and guess what, we both packed out lunches! We actually planned our meals in advance, it really does make a difference. When I got home and was alone, I started to feel bored and really wanted to start eating, so I had an orange. It curbed my appetite somewhat but I had a craving deep inside of me. I had a large glass of water and a low fat mozzarella string cheese. That helped. I did a few things around the house and decided I better hit the gym because that hunger was coming back. My workout was great. I started wearing a exercise belt, you know that makes your waist sweat... geez, that thing works!

I was doing a little research and set google as my home page, I was able to add some Apps that help me count calories, log exercise and set weight loss goals. It is really awesome, it helps put things into perspective. So today, the calorie counter says I only ate 871 calories which I know sounds like I have moved to the edge of anorexia. Well #1: not possible for me, #2: My goodness, I really ate a lot, it was just healthier foods. Check it out:

Total Calories: 871
Fat(g) Carbs(g) Prot(g) Cals
21.88 69.08 113.57 871

Breakfast: 78 calories
1 serving frozen strawberries
1/3 cup skim milk
1 serving stevia

Lunch: 261 calories
1 serving fat free zesty italian dressing
10 grapes , seedless grape
1/2 serving grilled chicken breast
2 cups salad
1 cup steamed shrimp

Dinner: 163 calories
6 spears Asparagus
1 serving chicken breast
2 servings parkay fat free spray
3 large steamed carrot

Snacks: 369 calories
2 servings mozzarella string cheese
3 servings mustard
2 servings/slices natures own whole wheat bread
10 medium shrimp
1 serving turkey meat

Water: 10 - 12oz glasses

So seriously, isn't that a lot of food? I ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and 3 snacks. When you eat healthy, you can honestly eat so much more. When I was logging my food on my online food journal, I was adding the shrimp, which was steamed with lemon pepper and a dash of water... well that only equals 125 calories.... omg, 1 cup of Fried Shrimp was literally 316 calories. What a difference. It just opened my eyes and made me think about all of the junk I have abused my body with. My blood is probably half fat with the way I have eaten in the last several years. I won't cry over spilt milk but I will try to be more aware. I know I am only two days into doing well, but I like the way I feel right now, I'd like to bottle it up and put it on the shelf for the days that are more challenging than others... I have a very long road ahead of myself and know it will not be easy.

Today was a success

So it might not be time to through a fiesta but hey... today was a good day! Not only did I go to the gym but I made great food choices and drank tons of water.

2 Poached Eggs (salt/pepper/Tabasco)
Grilled Shrimp on Raw Spinach with vinegar
Salad with Low fat Balsamic Vinaigrette
12 - 8 oz waters

So the real test, the night has drawn upon us, the kids are in bed, and I am all alone with the refrigerator. So far, so good. I am going to head to bed and do my best to stay clear of the kitchen for the rest of the night.

First Workout .... Yipee, I am still standing

Went to the gym, yehaw, I accomplished something towards being healthier today! It may seem small but since I have not seen the inside of a gym in over several years... this is an accomplishment. I went to Curves, I've been paying for that membership forever so it's time I make some use of it. To be honest, I wouln't feel comfortable at another gym. Curves works for me because #1: it's all women(and there not all Malibu Barbie, there is Grandma Barbie, Middle Age Barbie and Barbie after 6 kids and sitting on the couch for three years), #2: Total body workout in 30 short minutes.... need I say more? Nah, didn't think so.

So far today, I have had two poached eggs... not exactly delicious but it satisfied me. Of course, I added some salt, pepper and tabasco sauce. I need to start working on eliminating salt but that will have to wait for now. I can't change overnight but I will be aware.

Anyhow, I am feel rather good and I am going to have lunch with a friend. A dear friend of mine made homemade lasagna for me but understands I need to eat a salad so is going to take me out for salad. Bye Bye Bluecheese dressing, I will miss you dearly and hello vinagar!

Please.... someone, wire my mouth shut!

So, after the two cinnamon rolls this morning, well, things went down hill from there. I had an interview this afternoon, 1PM (For those who don't know, I was laid off in November and have gained a little over 20 lbs since then) so I didnt eat lunch before my interview. The interview actually went well but my interviewee says... I dont want to give you false hopes, you have a great background but we need someone with mortgage experience. Of course, I did my best to sell myself at that point, you wont regret hiring me, I am a quick learner, very dedicated... yadi yadi yadi... of course it is all true but it felt like a break up before the first date. Anyhow, she did say she was impressed with my training and curriculum development background and would compare my skills with the other candidates.

So, the emotional eater that I am... I needed something to eat asap, and well, I was a little hungry since I hadnt had lunch. I ate two flautas, a few bites of refried beans, rice and about 10 chips. Trust, me I was withholding. So I said, okay, I wont eat anything else for the day. I will go home and go work out. After I got home, I laid down for half a moment and then the next thing you know, it was 7:00pm, Curves... closes at 7.... just great!

I check my cell phone and wow, I had 27 missed calls. Everyone called to find out about my interview. I work through the call backs...explaining my gentle break up and before you know it, I am upset and want to eat something asap. I tried to curb it with two huge glasses of water but that didnt do it... I wanted food. Before you know it, I was at the Taco Bell drive through. There was a red flag flashing through my brain that says just drive away, I ignore the warning sign. The red flag changes to a caution sign: at least order from the Fresco menu, lower fat, right??? After it was said and done, I had eaten a soft potatoe taco, fresco taco and triple layer nachos. I know, self destructive. Slap me now. Maybe... if you hit me hard enough, my jaw will break and I can finally have it wired shut!

Oh yes, it is true, I have actually checked into trying to get my mouth wired shut before. Always looking for another way out. Time to face the facts, you are what you eat... Tomorrow is another day.

Here we go....again!

Okay, it's day one of whatever it is. Weight loss competition between friends and family and well, it's only 7:03am and I feel like I cheated (I've eaten a homemade cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee with caramel macchiatto creamer). I never really committed to what I was going to do to lose weight... I thought about several things but honestly, it just feels so dang overwhelming. Where do you really start when your 330 pounds? At what point do you just throw the white flag and surrender???

And it hit me, all of these years that led up to me being so overweight, was surrendered, I took the easy way out, white flag and all. It is so much easier to gain weight than to lose it. Losing means committing.. not just to some fad diet, but actually to yourself. It has been a long time since I have completely committed to myself. Actually, I give and give until there is nothing else to give, not even to me. How do you put yourself first? How do you commit to yourself and tell others no? This is a huge challenge for me.

So what do I do about this morning??? Yesterday when I read the Biggest Loser Jump Start Guide, it said don't allow one slip to become your pitfall. So yea, its just after 7:00 am and I've eaten two cinnamon rolls, it doesn't mean my entire day is ruined. I need to start counting calories, regardless of what I eat and get to the gym. So let's do it! Counting Calories and Gym.... yes, it is my commitment, time to burn the white flag!

Oops, I did it again

So yesterday was a relatively slow day. Did a few errands but not much. For the most part, I the day slipped away and I was on a Brothers and Sisters Marathon. I got Season 1 & 2 for Christmas, now that I only have one episode left... I just don't know what I will do with my time. Hopefully, this will encourage me to get off of my derrière and out into the world!

I managed to eat a whole sleeve of Keeblers Townhouse Club Crackers, a Chicken Salad Sandwich, A Chicken Sandwich & Two Tacos from Jack-n-Box (didn't I just eat there like less than 48 hours ago... trend maybe?), a bag of popcorn at Target, okay okay, to be honest, I ate two sleeves of keeblers townhouse crackers. And I woke up at about 1:30 am and for some reason decided I should eat a PB&J Sandwich, so good but I ate it as I was laying in bed, I forced myself to stay awake to finish my sandwich. Eating while sleeping is the worse thing you could do and honestly, I do it almost every night. I can go an entire day without eating a bite but when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, especially after 10pm, man I begin to eat and eat... if I don't eat something before bed, I will wake up in the middle of the night and eat. Usually, if I wake to go to the restroom, I will also go to the kitchen and find something to eat. Why do I do that? It's like it is such a habit, my body wants it midnight meal. Gotta break that cycle but I know it will be one of my hardest challenges, Ive been doing it for years and it has gotten worse over the last few months.

I found some old magazines, People's Half their Size addition from about 3 years ago and Biggest Loser Season 7 Jump-start Guide... I flipped threw them. As I read the articles, I am just looking for the one sentence that just jumps out to me and tells me how I can overcome this issue with food. It's never there, it's not a magic word, willpower... it truly is a life style change. What I realized is that I constantly say "I will try it, it might work" HELLO, can we say pitfall! I did not become 330 pounds over night and I won't lose it overnight but I must commit to myself, no more of this trying out stuff.

A few friends of mine are supposed to start a diet... ewwww, not that word again, on Monday. The game plan is to weigh in monthly for the next three months. We will track what everyone has lost and for example, is Sally lost 10 lbs, Jane lost 4 lbs and Sue lost 7 lbs the first month, well.... Jane would need to put in $6 and Sue would be in $3, to make the difference from what Sally (who lost the most weight) lost. At the end of three months, the person who loses the most, wins the loot!

I have not decided exactly what plan or regimen I plan on following yet... but trust me, I am not a procrastinator... LOL... there is no way to get struck by lightning here is it? My Mom has decided to go Vegan for 60 days, a friend of my is using Diet Pills, I on the other hand... have no clue. I can go through all my diet plans I have bought over the years, and yes... there is plenty, cookbooks, workout DVDs, Diet plans, Exercise Plans... so many to choose from.

I will think about it today and follow up...