Overcoming Obesity

Saturday, March 24, 2012

NBC's The Biggest Loser Casting : NBC's The Biggest Loser Casting

Hi to everyone! I know it has been a very long time, to say the least. If you can imagine or possibly suspected, since I disappeared, I have of course gained back every single pound that I worked so hard to lose and then some.

As you may know when I started my journey, 365 Days with the 330 Pound Woman, I was 330 pounds. Today I am very heart stricken and sad to say that I weigh a whooping 343 pounds. My official all time high was 349 pounds January of this year. I haven't wanted to admit it but I cannot hide from the fact that everything is getting close to impossible again. Moving around, putting on shoes, is just such a chore and my body, it just aches.

BUT, I can say, I have not given up completely or thrown in the white flag! I joined a boxing class about six weeks ago that I go to three days a week. The class is such a challenge but I push myself and modify what I can't do and keep moving. Naturally, I come home and soak in Epsom salt but regardless of my failure I am still fighting. I won't give up.

I am sorry to everyone for disappearing, I have battled so many different emotions since I began to put back on the weight and I was almost ashamed to admit my failure. I am emotional as I type this now. From guilt, shame, embarrassment, denial, anger, frustration but mostly disappointment in myself and I didn't want to disappoint you. I have to figure out how to work through all of these feelings and stop punishing myself.

In my original journey, I went from 330 to 268 pounds in six months, I kept it off for an additional 3 months and then my battle began. I found myself very unhappy at work and everything I thought that I concord was back, the lies in my head, the bad habits, it was an ugly battle. As I look back, when my weight creeped back to 275 pounds, internally I remember saying to myself that I would gain back every single pound, in the coming months that is exactly what I did. I said I was going to stop but I planted that seed and began to self-destruct.

If you are not interested in following my blog any longer, I understand. I let you down. Thank you for the time you spent with me and best journey to you.  About six months ago, someone visited my blog (I was just invisible, not completely gone) and left the kindest comment. "You deserve a do-over!" Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I accept the Do-Over but I need help. I have since changed jobs and I am very happy at work. What I realize now is that I have issues with balance. I have decided to put my name out there and once again, apply for Biggest Loser. Here's to another chance!

NBC's The Biggest Loser Casting : NBC's The Biggest Loser Casting