314 pounds... that is my reality. I am crippling my spirit and my body. I find it difficult to move around, I have no energy, I just want to sit in front of the TV but mostly, I want to EAT and EAT and EAT and EAT some more.
Just five months ago, I was on top of the world, I was changing my life and taking control of my food addiction. I exercised nearly everyday for 9 months and ate healthy foods and counted calories. I went from 330 pounds to 268 pounds, I was winning the race. And look at me now, even quicker than I lost it, I am nearly back to my start race. I claimed that I would never do that again, and here I sit... 314 pounds. My feet hurt, my body is swollen, clothes do not fit me and I am miserable.
I have this deep rooted weed within myself that I am watering with food. Its as if there is nothing that can satisfies its hunger.
I tell myself, I can do it again but in reality, if you do nothing, nothing will happen. I can not continue down this path. I must regain control and get this weed out of me. It is killing me.
I remember at one point last year that I knew I'd win the race but today I ask myself how do I get back to the track. I feel so lost.
I sat down and looked at the differences between now and then and honestly, I am not doing anything but EATING. I stopped SPARKING and Blogging in roughly September last year and well, there went my accountability. Slowly but surely, I went a week without a workout, then two and well it was over a month, then I tried it and I was exhausted, I didn't cook so I bought fast food, and craved ice cream and brought that in the house and never stopped. All of my healthy choices were at wayside.
I can not stand here and watch everything go with the tide. I must stand up and fight for my health. This isn't just about weight, this is my life and my health on the line.
When I began my journey last year, I didn't have a plan other than blogging. Before you knew it, I was involved and committed to changing my life. So today, I commit again. Blogging was a great accountability factor for me. I know the things I need to do but I keep making excuses not to do them. Hopefully, as I blog, I can work some of these things out.
To a new Day one!
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I believe in you ! You can do it girl !!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat! I'm so pleased you came back, I found you blog so inspirational. I too have lost weight and put it all back on ....more than once and I'm here blogging to lose it once more, once only once more successfully.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading your news
Dawn
I'm happy you're trying again. You try and try and try until you get it right. I know the feeling. I too had lost some weight and felt wonderful and clothes I didn't fit into before I finally was able to fit into again. Then somewhere around summer of last year there were layoffs at work and I suddenly found myself with more responsibilities. There went my diet because the stress craved fat and sweets. One "little thing can't hurt" led to another and to another and before you knew it, I was at my starting weight again. I was so disappointed. Therefore my challenge is to find another stress reliever other than food. And on a side note, that fat food that tastes so delicious after a long, hard day is made with just the right amount of fat that addicts you to it once again. Yes, fat and sweets are addictive. That's why once you have that burger and shake, guess what, suddenly the ice cream and chips and soda find your way into your household because we feel we can control ourselves and just give ourselves a "little treat" after a week of denial, but actually it's us that are in denial if we think we can do it that way. Out of sight, out of mouth!
ReplyDeleteGood luck as you embark on your journey again and know that I am joining you presently as well with the same journey....
Best,
Your Kindred Sister ;)
I'm so glad you're committing again, because you were a HUGE inspiration to me when I found your blog. You can't give up! And sadly, sometimes the journey has ups and downs and takes a looong time. :( I don't like that, but I am learning to accept that reality. GO GIRL!
ReplyDeleteThose of us who eat to fill empty spaces have a long journey, but we're on it and you're not alone. I'm up five pounds -- out of twenty lost -- and need to get back to keeping track of what I eat and being consistent with healthy food. We're in this together and I'm cheering us both on.
ReplyDeleteWelcome home girl :) I've gone back up the scale too...but I haven't shut the blog down yet...keep thinking if I hold onto the blog, I'll bring my mind back around to doing the right things. I'm glad you didn't totally disappear and that you're re-committing. This gives me hope for myself. :)
ReplyDeleteBlog every day. You can do it.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time. There is no deadline or finish line. Just keep on going. Every little effort counts as a victory. You can do this. We're cheering for you.
ReplyDeleteI am seriously in the exact same boat. I started the same time as you and also started regaining around the same time. I've gained back over half the weight I lost.. it's very discouraging. I'm so PISSED OFF at myself for letting it happen, but I know that doesn't help. Only taking action will help. And taking action WILL help, whether my mind is ready for it or not. So tonight I took some action- I bought some fruit and vegetables.. and not the kind I have to work at, the easy kind I can just grab and eat. I also picked up an iTunes gift card while I was out so I can load up on some new music. I laid out my most comfortable workout clothes and shoes and I set my alarm for an hour before my baby will wake up. I WILL exercise tomorrow morning! Oh, and I'm gonna fill up my water bottle and stick it in the fridge so it'll be cold in the morning. :) I know if I start doing what I need to do and make myself keep it up for a few days, the good feelings will come back, they have to.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you posted. That is the first step back toward your healthy life. I feel your pain and need to eat. I have being doing the same thing myself. You can do this again and we will be right here cheering you on. We know you can do it and most importantly, you know you can do it.
ReplyDeleteIt is always hard when you slip,and suddenly you've fallen so fast in a blink of an eye, your almost back where you started from. But you've faced your reality and you can fix it.
ReplyDeleteGood. I won't be the only one who has lost it all, regained, and is coming back to try again.
ReplyDeleteTogether?
Been There and Done That!
ReplyDelete(So has anyone with a lot of weight to lose)
I have yet to figure out why lost weight can be regained at the speed of light. Seemingly in defiance of caloric law ... If we are not actively trying to lose weight then we are gaining it. That is our reality.
I cannot put my head in the sand and watch my butt get bigger .... so I found something that works for me. I weigh myself every day and record it on Sparkpeople. NO exceptions for eating off plan, TOM or other avoidance techniques. Seeing that number going up and up always brings me back before 10 pounds have found there way back. Yes dealing with those 3 4 or 5 pound OVERNIGHT gains for no reason can frustrate you if your dieting perfectly.. IF you let them. Seeing those can also spur you to not let the scale win. LOL
Try weighing everday. For the rest of your life. Works for me. I've lost 120 pounds and maintaining .... but I know it will take eternal viligance to keep from re-gaining. I don't like it one bit but I love being fit more.
You can do it! Welcome back. I, for one, missed you.
ReplyDeleteLori
You can do it! I JUST started a blog myself, a few weeks ago. I've been up and down so many times in my life. But we'll do it, we have to. You're an inspiration! Don't lose hope, we're here for you, as you are for us. :)
ReplyDeleteYou've already proven you can do it. Now you can prove it again!
ReplyDeleteLets do this! :) Im at 288 (was at 291 last week). Im setting small goals for myself right now. First one is to lose 30 pounds. I am looking foward to reading your blog in the future. :)
ReplyDeleteyou are an absolutely beautiful woman,,i hope you can succeed in letting that "wall" around you melt away,,,one day at a time==you are worth it girl
ReplyDelete