I am hungry, bottom of the pit, devour anything in sight hungry. I've eaten but it hasn't satisfied my hunger, this is a dangerous feeling. This is the feeling of a binge coming on. I have an interview scheduled for Thursday, possibly it is my nerves, I have used food as a pacifier for years... that could be it. I need to stay busy, I should pack up my food and get out of the house and away from the kitchen.
Another thing, I am tired. Honestly, I haven't felt tired like this in over a week. I was beginning to love my new energy levels. Last night I at a very small baked potato (no butter or margarine, just a few sprays of I can't believe its not butter and a spoon of fat free sour cream) I wonder if that has anything to do with it?
Honestly, right now I would love a stack of pancakes, covered in butter and syrup... hash browns covered in sauteed onions, peppers and cream gravy. Oh, this feeling is not good, I have a hollow feeling inside, which I don't believe is actually from hunger, I have eaten... is my body trying to trick me to eat something not healthy, that isn't possible is it? Or am I kidding myself because usually at this point I would have eaten a candy bar, fast food or something? Such a challenge, fighting the desire to eat what ever you want. Obviously the whatever you want falls into the moment on your lips but lifetime on your hips category.
I need to focus, I am going to think about the very little everyday things that have turned into a dreadful chore because of my weight:
1. Tying tennis shoes
2. Putting on undergarments (yes panties, it's terrible, for safety, I sit down)
3. Putting on toe nail polish (next to impossible)
4. Crossing my legs at knees (impossible)
5. Crossing my legs at ankles (uncomfortable)
6. Bending over and picking something up
7. Walking up a flight of stairs (must stop and recoup, get control of breathing)
8. Getting in and out of cars (worrying, will the seat belt fit?)
9. Sitting with hands crossed in lap (impossible, must lock fingers & hold together)
These are just a few... it is really embarrassing to admit these things. Something that most people do without even thinking, is a challenge for me. It makes me sad to know I have allowed, no not allowed, that I actually did this to myself. But you know what, I can't cry anymore. I can't complain anymore. I can't use it as an excuse to raid the refrigerator one more time. Those are the reasons I must face this challenge in 2010 and overcome my obesity. I will not, can not live another day trapped inside myself... I am taking control back. I deserve to be healthy and to live a long life, watch my son grow up and enjoy the little things.
Okay, feeling better... I'm gonna take it to the gym, go get in a good workout, focus my energy where it belongs!
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I wonder if you are eating enough calories(and the good ones) to have enough energy to function. According to sparkpeople and calorieperhour.com, to lose 1 lb/wk I need to eat 2200 calories per day. I tried eating 1200-1500 cuz I want to see results NOW, however that didnt work for me. I was too hungry!! I have bumped it up to 1700 calories, which I try to divide equally among 3 meals and 2 snacks. I know that especially if you are exercising, that you might need to bump up your calorie intake as well, or you'll have no energy at all. I joined the YMCA, and I dont pay for a trainer but the trainers there are so nice and when they arent busy I can grab one of them to help with questions or workout tips. I like the Y too because I dont feel like I walked into a fictional Barbie world where working out is actually a fashion show and see who can wear the least amount of clothes to be in public and it still be legal. Anyways- I hope today gets better for you!!! -Liz
ReplyDeleteThanks for the pick me up, after coming home from the gym I ate some fruit and felt much better. I was reading on sparkpeople and it suggested I eat 1610 to 1960 a day. I've been eating 1200 to 1500, I will begin to increase this week. I appreciate your support!
ReplyDeleteomg i absolutely love your blogs! keep writting ! =)cheers
ReplyDeleteI've read that your body needs a minimum of 1200 calories per day to really function. I copied this from a sparkpeople article which explains it better than I can:
ReplyDeleteWhen calories drop too low (usually below 1,200 calories for women and 1,500 calories for men), your body’s protection mechanism switches on because the body thinks it is starving. In order to conserve energy, the body lowers your metabolism and you will not burn calories as quickly. This results in a slower weight loss rate, or sometimes prohibits any weight loss from occurring.
At SparkPeople we call this “Starvation Mode”. When your caloric intake falls below these levels, it is also extremely difficult to obtain all the nutrients that your body needs for health and survival. These very low calorie intakes can also lead to other health problems such as eating disorders, gout, gallstones, and heart complications.
Mommy P, thank you for your information from sparkpeople. That was really nice of you. Going into starvation mode is the opposite of what I want to do... for sure. Yesterday, I closed the day at 1322. I think what really gets me is that I am eating so much because I am making better food choices, I am honestly getting full. I am going to work on eating more though and I will not let myself fall under 1200 calories... ever! Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteI was going to say I don't think you're eating enough calories (although this is a month ago, so that may well have changed). Remember slow loss is good loss, loose it fast and it'll come back when you're not looking. I don't have quite as much weight to loose, but i've cut from 2000 to 1500...I get a bit grumpy if I don't get my meals at the times i'm expecting (needing?) them, but i've stopped seeing people as chocolate bars ;-)
ReplyDeleteSeeing people as chocloate bars, funny and love it! Intead of squishing there heads (MTV late 80'se early 90's) you can eat them! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI was in my calorie range, I believe it was my body, just craving what it was accustomed to. I still struggle with wanting to eat when I am not hungry, I have to really ask myself what am I feeling, hungry... bored... upset.... angry .... lonely.... emotional eating, ugh!
I am getting better, I have found that I am taking my frustrations to the gym or to the pavement. I am enjoying working out more and more. Still struggling with wanting to eat late at night, when I can't ignore it, I eat a 100 calorie pack of Smart Pop Popcorn, crunchy and sweet will usually do the trick for me.
Best of luck on your journey and congrats for not eating those walking chocolate bars! LOL!