Monday I went back to work and I am so excited! Today, I received my badge and almost did back flips, I have access to an office, woo-hoo!
Between us, I was a little worried about keeping up with my workouts and eating well after returning to the workforce. So let's set the record strait... this girl is getting down to business!!!
On Monday, my alarm went off and I was out of bed by 5:05am. I even had a little pep in my step being so excited to go back to work. I popped in a Walk away the Pounds and went to walking. It felt great. It really set the tone for my day and I had more energy.
This morning, I hit snooze once, rolled out of bed at 5:12am. I was a little tired but I put on my tennies, popped in Hip Hop Abs and danced for 30 minutes. I felt incredible, I wasn't ready for my workout to end. Monday night, I wasn't able to ride my bike because of Lightning Storms. I decided that I'd hit the pavement for 30 minutes.
Out the door and on my bike I peddaled. I kept a consistent speed of 14 MPH, my highest speed today was 21 MPH for about a minute and a half, talk about a workout. I pulled back into the garage at 6:30am, I got in 6.25 miles. I walked down the street and back to cool down and then streched for a few minutes. There is nothing worse than not allowing your muscles to recover from a workout.
I was running short on time, so I jumped in the shower and got ready in lightining speed. I grabbed my lunch and was out the door on my way to work by 7:15am. Who would have thought.
On my ride to work, I smiled... six glasses of water, 30 minutes of Hip Hop Abs, 30 minutes of Cycling in the great outdoors all by 6:30am... pretty darn proud!
I am feeling so good, I am gonna go out for another ride!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
All packed and ready to go
Okay, tomorrow morning is my first day to head back to work in over 8 months! Wowzers! My temporary assignment begins tomorrow morning and I am so excited. To have somewhere to go, people to see and even better, earning some money! Woo-Hoo!
My coffee pot is ready, I am going to wake up to the smell of a freshly brewed pot of coffee. My lunch is packed (2 cups salad, 1 grilled chicken breast, 2 tbsl FF Thousand Island dressing, Snacks: 2 slices of cantalope, FiberPlus Bar and a Kashi Bar). I know what I am wearing and my alarm clock is set.
I have to be at the office at 8am. My alarm is set for 5:25 right now. Hmmm, time to change it to 5AM, I'd like to get in a workout video first thing in the morning. Off to bed I go. Wish me luck!!!
My coffee pot is ready, I am going to wake up to the smell of a freshly brewed pot of coffee. My lunch is packed (2 cups salad, 1 grilled chicken breast, 2 tbsl FF Thousand Island dressing, Snacks: 2 slices of cantalope, FiberPlus Bar and a Kashi Bar). I know what I am wearing and my alarm clock is set.
I have to be at the office at 8am. My alarm is set for 5:25 right now. Hmmm, time to change it to 5AM, I'd like to get in a workout video first thing in the morning. Off to bed I go. Wish me luck!!!
When are you ready???
It's a question anyone that has ever struggled or tried more than once to lose weight has asked themselves, when will I be ready to finally make a change? What is enough? What is my breaking point? I must admit I have asked myself these exact questions a bazillion times. Longing and fantasizing to to FINALLY lose weight. We all have different reasons, some reasons more vein than others. Some of us have health scares, others finally see themselves in the mirror or in a photo, cloths don't fit, can't find anything to wear, uncomfortable sitting in a lawn chair, unable to ride a roller coaster anymore, painful shoes, unable to climb a flight of stairs, out of breath, back pain, unhappy, isolated, angry, unattractive, the little black dress, a pair of high heels, going to a high school reunion, looking for a new job, taking a trip... the list goes on and on.
There are many reasons to want to lose weight. So how do you take that want, that desire and turn it into something tangible? Most of us could honestly say, we have "wondered" what "they" did when they lost weight. What was that light bulb moment, when did it register and you finally take the plunge and do it? Why was it different this time?
I've asked myself those questions many times, I would buy every weight loss magazine and read books looking for the answer. I never got it. Sure, I found a little motivation that might last me a week or a few days if I were lucky. Nothing ever just jumped off the page and made me say, today is the day, I am changing my life. Okay, okay, being honest here, sure there were days I said that and you know what, later that day or maybe a few days later, there I was in the McDonalds fast food line which usually lead to going to Taco Bell and maybe even Wendy's. Before you knew it, I was on a downward spiral and going to bed eating a bag (yes, not a bar) of chocolate. I'd wake up bloated and miserable and the cycle would start again. I punished myself with food all of the time. I was utterly hopeless. It came to the point that I wouldn't even admit I was trying to lose weight because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would fail.
I began this journey on January 1, 2010. I didn't have a plan other than blogging. Today is June 27, 2010 (178 days later) and I am 60 pounds lighter. Not only am I 60 pounds lighter but I am active. I love the great outdoors: biking, hiking, swimming, and walking. I even enjoy the gym. I can not believe it.
178 days ago, I was miserable and did not have any faith in myself when it came to making a change. So how did the light bulb finally go off? What finally happened to make myself change, how did I become accountable for my actions?
I must admit, the blog helps with my accountability but what finally happened, is that I learned to forgive myself. I realized I was worth the effort and that one mistake that might lead to a week of bad decisions is not worth throwing in the towel. SPARK has truly helped to keep me inspired and of course, all of my blog readers. Thank you for taking this journey with me.
For anyone out there wanting to lose weight and does not know where to start, start small. 10 minutes of exercise, cut back on the Ranch, eat whole wheat bread instead of white, it is lots of little baby steps that add up to something huge.
I am no where near over but the real difference now is that I WILL NOT GIVE UP. Yesterday I spent the day at the water park. I meet some great people, we talked about weight loss, everyone has there own plan and what works for them so do what works best for you. When you fall down, which you will, we all do, just pick yourself up and dust yourself off, it is not over, you must see the big goal no matter how far that goal is, little steps will get you there.
No one can change over night, love yourself, forgive yourself and make yourself a priority everyday, you deserve to be healthy physically and mentally. One meal at a time, one day at a time...You are ready!!!
There are many reasons to want to lose weight. So how do you take that want, that desire and turn it into something tangible? Most of us could honestly say, we have "wondered" what "they" did when they lost weight. What was that light bulb moment, when did it register and you finally take the plunge and do it? Why was it different this time?
I've asked myself those questions many times, I would buy every weight loss magazine and read books looking for the answer. I never got it. Sure, I found a little motivation that might last me a week or a few days if I were lucky. Nothing ever just jumped off the page and made me say, today is the day, I am changing my life. Okay, okay, being honest here, sure there were days I said that and you know what, later that day or maybe a few days later, there I was in the McDonalds fast food line which usually lead to going to Taco Bell and maybe even Wendy's. Before you knew it, I was on a downward spiral and going to bed eating a bag (yes, not a bar) of chocolate. I'd wake up bloated and miserable and the cycle would start again. I punished myself with food all of the time. I was utterly hopeless. It came to the point that I wouldn't even admit I was trying to lose weight because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would fail.
I began this journey on January 1, 2010. I didn't have a plan other than blogging. Today is June 27, 2010 (178 days later) and I am 60 pounds lighter. Not only am I 60 pounds lighter but I am active. I love the great outdoors: biking, hiking, swimming, and walking. I even enjoy the gym. I can not believe it.
178 days ago, I was miserable and did not have any faith in myself when it came to making a change. So how did the light bulb finally go off? What finally happened to make myself change, how did I become accountable for my actions?
I must admit, the blog helps with my accountability but what finally happened, is that I learned to forgive myself. I realized I was worth the effort and that one mistake that might lead to a week of bad decisions is not worth throwing in the towel. SPARK has truly helped to keep me inspired and of course, all of my blog readers. Thank you for taking this journey with me.
For anyone out there wanting to lose weight and does not know where to start, start small. 10 minutes of exercise, cut back on the Ranch, eat whole wheat bread instead of white, it is lots of little baby steps that add up to something huge.
I am no where near over but the real difference now is that I WILL NOT GIVE UP. Yesterday I spent the day at the water park. I meet some great people, we talked about weight loss, everyone has there own plan and what works for them so do what works best for you. When you fall down, which you will, we all do, just pick yourself up and dust yourself off, it is not over, you must see the big goal no matter how far that goal is, little steps will get you there.
No one can change over night, love yourself, forgive yourself and make yourself a priority everyday, you deserve to be healthy physically and mentally. One meal at a time, one day at a time...You are ready!!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Something I have not done in years...
I wore a dress and even better, I felt great wearing it! This may not seem like much of a post but I honestly can not remember the last time I wore a dress and could actually smile. There was a time that I'd pick this picture apart and find something wrong with it... or actually something wrong with me. Not anymore, those days are over. I no longer sit around beating myself up, I wish my arms were smaller, ugh, look at my legs and the dimples... nope not anymore. I am working to hard and I am loving the new me. Every square inch. My body is changing, taking new shape everyday. I am excited that I am finally molding and shaping the clay I was given, I can't wait to see what my final art piece will look like. In the mean time, I will appreciate the work in progress and sing the theme song my new dress inspired: "I'm bringing sexy back!"
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Outdoor adventure and then some...
The third Sunday of every month there is a canoe feast at a Nature Center that I frequent. Last month was my first time to join in the festivities and I LOVED it! Naturally, after telling my girlfriends all about it, they wanted to try it out. We decided to to make it an all girls outing without the kids, which doesn't happen often. Counting down the days we realized that the third Sunday of June was actually Father's Day. Needless to say, we decided to reschedule the girls weekend for next month. A few of my friends were still able to go so we decided that we would canoe and hike a trail or two.
It was a blazing 101 Degree's so we brought tons of water, wore plenty of sunscreen and brought a few snacks. As we were putting on our vest, we quickly see a sign that makes us really questions the laws in Texas. Did you know that it is against the law to molest an Alligator, um yea... I guess I will mark that off my bucket list since it's illegal (are you kidding me, we need a law for this?!?!?! REALLY?!?!?!) So, just for your amusement:
After a good laugh, our adventure began...
After Canoeing, we hit the trails, breathtaking views. I love the way the light hits this tree and the forest.
After taking in some beautiful scenery we quickly meet the stairs to hell! Talk about a killer cardio work out!
.
Four and half hours later, we were all beat. On my ride home, I noticed my tooth began to bother me. When I got home, I took some Advil and hopped in the shower. I headed over to my parents house to spend some time with my Dad. During our visit, my tooth started to throb. By midnight, my jaw had began to swell. This morning, it was huge and I was in major pain. It's hard to imagine that just only a few hours before I was out with my friends having a good time enjoying the great outdoors. Fortunatly, I was able to have emergency oral surgery... not exactly fun but my mouth will be healthier once I heal.
I do have a few sutures so I am resting per the Dr's orders. I might try to take a little stroll around the block tomorrow.
You know how snap happy I am, so here is my golf ball jaw. Pre-Surgery Pics:
Update: Lots of tenderness that should go away over the next few days. I am still very swollen, dozing in and out of sleep but feeling much much better. The great news is that I wont have to worry about that side of my mouth anymore. I do have additional dental work that needs to be done but honestly, I am 50% there. I am getting closer to a perfectly healthy mouth! Yippee!
It was a blazing 101 Degree's so we brought tons of water, wore plenty of sunscreen and brought a few snacks. As we were putting on our vest, we quickly see a sign that makes us really questions the laws in Texas. Did you know that it is against the law to molest an Alligator, um yea... I guess I will mark that off my bucket list since it's illegal (are you kidding me, we need a law for this?!?!?! REALLY?!?!?!) So, just for your amusement:
After a good laugh, our adventure began...
After Canoeing, we hit the trails, breathtaking views. I love the way the light hits this tree and the forest.
After taking in some beautiful scenery we quickly meet the stairs to hell! Talk about a killer cardio work out!
. Four and half hours later, we were all beat. On my ride home, I noticed my tooth began to bother me. When I got home, I took some Advil and hopped in the shower. I headed over to my parents house to spend some time with my Dad. During our visit, my tooth started to throb. By midnight, my jaw had began to swell. This morning, it was huge and I was in major pain. It's hard to imagine that just only a few hours before I was out with my friends having a good time enjoying the great outdoors. Fortunatly, I was able to have emergency oral surgery... not exactly fun but my mouth will be healthier once I heal.
I do have a few sutures so I am resting per the Dr's orders. I might try to take a little stroll around the block tomorrow.
You know how snap happy I am, so here is my golf ball jaw. Pre-Surgery Pics:
Update: Lots of tenderness that should go away over the next few days. I am still very swollen, dozing in and out of sleep but feeling much much better. The great news is that I wont have to worry about that side of my mouth anymore. I do have additional dental work that needs to be done but honestly, I am 50% there. I am getting closer to a perfectly healthy mouth! Yippee!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Is it possible...
That this girl is a cyclist? You better bet your butt I am! That's right, this girl loves her bike!
It's hard to imagine that I absolutely LOVE riding my bike and hitting the trails. Before buying my bike in late February, I hadn't rode a bike since I was... ummmm, let's see..... like EIGHT! Yea, eight years old. Well, I am not gonna just throw my age out there but come on people, that has been a while (LOL)!
In January, I made the decision that I wanted to try riding a bike. It seemed easy enough and well come on, everyone knows the saying: It's like riding a bike! So how hard could it be? Everyone remembers how to ride, oh yea, I can do this... I think, at least I can give it a try.
I began looking at stores and found a few that were a little over 100, being unemployed, I wanted to spend less than that. I checked online and found a bike for $96. SOLD to the lady in red, naturally, that was me and I purchased it. It was great because it was delivered to the store for free and they even assembled it for free.
The day I picked it up, I took one look at the seat and knew, I'd need something else. I grabbed the biggest, softest seat that I could find. Once again the store came to the rescue and put it on for me. I was excited and couldn't wait to get home and try it out.
As soon as I got home, I pull out my bike and hop on.... off I go. Oh man, this is rough, pedaling is hard... okay folk's, the saying is true, you do not forget how to ride a bike but let me be the first to say it was not as easy as 1... 2.... 3 and well, it is nothing like being eight years old again. No wheelies, no hands free, no racing... every bit of my concentration was focused on balancing, not losing control; of course pedaling was pretty important too.
Man that ride was tough, I honestly didn't think I could do it. I pushed myself and I was only able to do half a mile. With my son's encouragement, later that day I did another half mile totalling one mile on my first day. Biking was hard, and I was out of shape.
As much as I wanted to say forget that dang bike, I promised myself, I would try. I joined a group on spark which I need to walk/bike 500 miles in 2010 so that encouraged me to get up and get on that bike again and again... eventually, I was able to do one mile, then two and then three miles strait. I was thrilled when I pushed myself to 5 miles. For several weeks I have been consistently riding 5 miles several days a week. Occasionally I would push myself a little further and make it to 6.5 miles. Talk about being proud!!!
Well, today, I did something even more... I was able to ride 15 miles!!! Yes Fifteen miles and my highest speed today 21.7 MPH. Not only did it feel incredible, it made me realize how strong I am and how anything is possible if you try.
Four months ago, I had to fight with every piece of myself to complete half a mile and today, I accomplished 15 miles. So when I ask, is it possible that little ol' me is a cyclist... Oh yea, I am a cyclist!
For anyone out there thinking about riding a bike, don't be afraid, just try it. Not only does it get you up and moving, it get's you out of the house, there are some great trails just for biking and you can see some amazing scenery while you clear your head and build your muscles. If you think your too big, don't doubt yourself, there is a bike out there waiting for you. And don't forget the gel seat... your booty will love you forever!
Wanted to share a few pics, this is the gorgeous lake I rode today!!!
My bike (one day, I will get a nicer bike, but right now, I love this one, especially with my speedometer and odometer)
Yea, after 15 miles, I ROCK!!!
It's hard to imagine that I absolutely LOVE riding my bike and hitting the trails. Before buying my bike in late February, I hadn't rode a bike since I was... ummmm, let's see..... like EIGHT! Yea, eight years old. Well, I am not gonna just throw my age out there but come on people, that has been a while (LOL)!
In January, I made the decision that I wanted to try riding a bike. It seemed easy enough and well come on, everyone knows the saying: It's like riding a bike! So how hard could it be? Everyone remembers how to ride, oh yea, I can do this... I think, at least I can give it a try.
I began looking at stores and found a few that were a little over 100, being unemployed, I wanted to spend less than that. I checked online and found a bike for $96. SOLD to the lady in red, naturally, that was me and I purchased it. It was great because it was delivered to the store for free and they even assembled it for free.
The day I picked it up, I took one look at the seat and knew, I'd need something else. I grabbed the biggest, softest seat that I could find. Once again the store came to the rescue and put it on for me. I was excited and couldn't wait to get home and try it out.
As soon as I got home, I pull out my bike and hop on.... off I go. Oh man, this is rough, pedaling is hard... okay folk's, the saying is true, you do not forget how to ride a bike but let me be the first to say it was not as easy as 1... 2.... 3 and well, it is nothing like being eight years old again. No wheelies, no hands free, no racing... every bit of my concentration was focused on balancing, not losing control; of course pedaling was pretty important too.
Man that ride was tough, I honestly didn't think I could do it. I pushed myself and I was only able to do half a mile. With my son's encouragement, later that day I did another half mile totalling one mile on my first day. Biking was hard, and I was out of shape.
As much as I wanted to say forget that dang bike, I promised myself, I would try. I joined a group on spark which I need to walk/bike 500 miles in 2010 so that encouraged me to get up and get on that bike again and again... eventually, I was able to do one mile, then two and then three miles strait. I was thrilled when I pushed myself to 5 miles. For several weeks I have been consistently riding 5 miles several days a week. Occasionally I would push myself a little further and make it to 6.5 miles. Talk about being proud!!!
Well, today, I did something even more... I was able to ride 15 miles!!! Yes Fifteen miles and my highest speed today 21.7 MPH. Not only did it feel incredible, it made me realize how strong I am and how anything is possible if you try.
Four months ago, I had to fight with every piece of myself to complete half a mile and today, I accomplished 15 miles. So when I ask, is it possible that little ol' me is a cyclist... Oh yea, I am a cyclist!
For anyone out there thinking about riding a bike, don't be afraid, just try it. Not only does it get you up and moving, it get's you out of the house, there are some great trails just for biking and you can see some amazing scenery while you clear your head and build your muscles. If you think your too big, don't doubt yourself, there is a bike out there waiting for you. And don't forget the gel seat... your booty will love you forever!
Wanted to share a few pics, this is the gorgeous lake I rode today!!!
My bike (one day, I will get a nicer bike, but right now, I love this one, especially with my speedometer and odometer)
Yea, after 15 miles, I ROCK!!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Getting Back on Track
Every month I log my success, I usually do this the beginning of each month. Today is 6/15 and I had not posted my progress yet. Partly because I was avoiding it. I haven't lost much weight, okay there was the one pound but that is not exactly something to scream from the top of a mountain however it is a loss.
As I was reviewing my May goals and what I actually accomplished, I came to realize that my passion for my health is flickering... like a candle that is nearly burnt out, my flame has become weak. So what do I do? Throw in the towel, call it quits? Not hardly! It's time to recharge and revamp... I have come to far to turn back now.
I need to take it back to the basics. I know I said this a few weeks ago but since then I have had a cookie here, bought ground beef there, ate white bread at a party, had a handful of chips and then another... just plain comfortable and sure, I will have fries with that. The honeymoon phase is over, everyday it is slipping further and further away.
The reality is, I am tired of slacking; there is no more time for excuses, I am committed to my health and reaching my ultimate goal of overcoming obesity.
To putting on my shoes and getting back to the basics and back on TRACK!
T ime for my health and exercise everyday
R est at least 8 hours a night
A ccept my shortcomings and forgive myself
C elebrate my success
K eep record of daily calories and water intake
As I was reviewing my May goals and what I actually accomplished, I came to realize that my passion for my health is flickering... like a candle that is nearly burnt out, my flame has become weak. So what do I do? Throw in the towel, call it quits? Not hardly! It's time to recharge and revamp... I have come to far to turn back now.
I need to take it back to the basics. I know I said this a few weeks ago but since then I have had a cookie here, bought ground beef there, ate white bread at a party, had a handful of chips and then another... just plain comfortable and sure, I will have fries with that. The honeymoon phase is over, everyday it is slipping further and further away.
The reality is, I am tired of slacking; there is no more time for excuses, I am committed to my health and reaching my ultimate goal of overcoming obesity.
To putting on my shoes and getting back to the basics and back on TRACK!
T ime for my health and exercise everyday
R est at least 8 hours a night
A ccept my shortcomings and forgive myself
C elebrate my success
K eep record of daily calories and water intake
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Midnight Memories
Friday night around 11:15pm, my son and I had a sweet tooth! You know, one of those, "Ice Cream" would be really good about right now!
I explained to my very fit 14 year old that 11:15 at night is not the best time to indulge in hot fudge and ice cream. He then says, "if we ride our bikes and only get one scoop instead of two... it won't be so bad!" I realized that kid was onto something!
We jump on our bikes, ride to the ice cream store (which closes at 11:30pm) and made it just in time to order. Since they were closing, we sat outside in the parking lot and enjoyed our treats. We shared a few laughs and told a few stories and headed home. The weather was absolutely perfect, the moonlight was gorgeous and we had a nice little breeze.
On my ride home I felt peace and so much happiness. As we got home and I looked at my son opening up the garage door to put up our bikes, I realized... that is what memories are made of! Gotta love the summer!
I explained to my very fit 14 year old that 11:15 at night is not the best time to indulge in hot fudge and ice cream. He then says, "if we ride our bikes and only get one scoop instead of two... it won't be so bad!" I realized that kid was onto something!
We jump on our bikes, ride to the ice cream store (which closes at 11:30pm) and made it just in time to order. Since they were closing, we sat outside in the parking lot and enjoyed our treats. We shared a few laughs and told a few stories and headed home. The weather was absolutely perfect, the moonlight was gorgeous and we had a nice little breeze.
On my ride home I felt peace and so much happiness. As we got home and I looked at my son opening up the garage door to put up our bikes, I realized... that is what memories are made of! Gotta love the summer!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
If you build it, they will come!
Something that I have noticed is that ever since my son and I extended our porch, all of the neighborhood kids hang with us in the evenings.
They have always come over but in the past it was about playing RockBank (I am a rockband junkie, though not of late) and my warm peanut butter cookies but here recently we just don't ever make it inside. We hang out and "play" outside. Yes, play... even me.
I have had so much fun with the kids. I forgot how great dodgeball is and let me tell you, what a work out! Those kids had me busting a sweat and boy was my heart pounding, what a cardio workout! Then, there was the bike race. So, I did't win but third place isn't two shabby when your competetors are 14, 14, 11, 10 and 7. Yea, I placed third (beaten by the 11 and 10 year old). I proudly wear my silver medal and have the right to smack talk my 14 year old, LOL! Of course, he says he let me win but I beg to differ.
I was really worried when I cancelled my gym membership but I can see it is still possible to lose weight with the great outdoors and I have to say, it's so much fun to act like a kid again! The laughter, the joy and not worrying what anyone else thinks! I think, I just might be on to something!
They have always come over but in the past it was about playing RockBank (I am a rockband junkie, though not of late) and my warm peanut butter cookies but here recently we just don't ever make it inside. We hang out and "play" outside. Yes, play... even me.
I have had so much fun with the kids. I forgot how great dodgeball is and let me tell you, what a work out! Those kids had me busting a sweat and boy was my heart pounding, what a cardio workout! Then, there was the bike race. So, I did't win but third place isn't two shabby when your competetors are 14, 14, 11, 10 and 7. Yea, I placed third (beaten by the 11 and 10 year old). I proudly wear my silver medal and have the right to smack talk my 14 year old, LOL! Of course, he says he let me win but I beg to differ.
I was really worried when I cancelled my gym membership but I can see it is still possible to lose weight with the great outdoors and I have to say, it's so much fun to act like a kid again! The laughter, the joy and not worrying what anyone else thinks! I think, I just might be on to something!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Some positive news that could become permanent
First things first, I have been MIA the last few days because I have been so sick! Terrible stomach virus, I literally have been in bed for three days. I am feeling better but still not 100%.
On a more positive note... I was extended a job offer today! Woo-Hoo! It is actually a temporary assignement that begins 6/28 and ends 9/17, it does have the possibility of going permanent so who know's... I just might knock their socks off and have a full fledge job before the summer is over! I am very excited and can't wait to begin. I will keep everyone posted on how things go! Thanks to everyone for their prayers and support! Keep sending them my way! Hugs!
On a more positive note... I was extended a job offer today! Woo-Hoo! It is actually a temporary assignement that begins 6/28 and ends 9/17, it does have the possibility of going permanent so who know's... I just might knock their socks off and have a full fledge job before the summer is over! I am very excited and can't wait to begin. I will keep everyone posted on how things go! Thanks to everyone for their prayers and support! Keep sending them my way! Hugs!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Light in the storm
When I set out of my journey, I didn't know what path I would take. I wasn't sure of what eating plan I would follow, if I would exercise or what at all would change other than I would write about my attempt to overcome obesity, the challenges, obstacles and my success.
With being true to my intent, I have to say, the last few days have been rough for me. Many of you know, I have been out of work for about seven months now. Needless, to say, it is taking its toll on me. Obviously there is the financial factor but mentally, it has been difficult as well.
I knew if I didn't find a job soon the day would come but I postponed it as long as I could. Instead of weighing in and measuring at the gym on June the second, I had to make a decision to cancel my gym membership. I was terrified to do it but you what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. There was just no other choice, I could no longer spend $35 a month to workout at the gym. I was almost in tears when I cancelled, but being the big girl I am, I held it back.
On my way home I went through a slew of emotions.
Frustration: I paid for that membership for years and never used it. FINALLY, I've been working out 5 months and now I can't afford it?!?! What is wrong with me, why didn't I take control of my health sooner?
DOUBT: You can't do this without Curves, you need resistance training and well... your not gonna do it on your own. You might as well get a pizza on the way home, your gonna gain the 53 pounds back and always be the big girl!
ANGER: Why is this happening to me?!?
My mind took over and thoughts flew back and forth. The biggest thing in my head was fear. Am I going to gain back the 53 pounds that I have lost? I will, I know I will... I can't do this without the gym. I am never going to lose the weight.
Thank goodness my sanity took control again, I could lose weight, I am losing weight! I have workout DVDs that I do on a regular basis, I walk, I hike, I bike! I quieted the voice within, somewhat at peace with my decision and my ability to tackle this without my gym membership.
When I got home, I decided it was time to SPARK, I grabbed a glass of water and started to log in to my laptop... and then it happened. I spilled a glass of water and the flood gates opened!
I cried for about two hours. Is that even possible? I assume that I only had that many tears because of all the water I drank over the weekend. I honestly must have drank about 6 gallons during my project warrior weekend! Clearly, I was bummed out and at my limit.
Of course, the flood was more about being scared of failing than making a huge mess. I just couldn't stop the doubt and insecurities. They hit me like a deer in headlights, I cried like a baby and then crawled in bed and went to sleep.
When I woke up, I decided that I needed to SPARK, I needed motivation and inspiration. I sit back down with a new glass of water and there it was: I was named DONE Girl of the month!
It could not have come at a better time. There are so many people that believe in me, that have faith in me. That actually see how strong I am even though I have doubts about myself. This honor, this feeling, it is amazing. I was just thrilled and in awe that I was chosen. It lifted my spirits and let me know, I am not in this alone, I don't need the gym... I CAN do this. Sure I am going to have to get out of my comfort zone and find new ways to get in that burn but it can be done!!! I am going to do this and I will not give up.
So I want to take a moment and thank the DONE GIRL Team, my blog followers and all the incredible SPARKERS who have given me inspiration, strength and motivation. You help me to believe in myself and know that it is not over, we all have set backs and all that matters is how we choose to look at them. My journey is not over, I am no where near that finish line but I am one step closer because of you. I really can not thank each of you enough for your support, encouragement and helping me believe in me when I felt like I couldn't do this anymore. You are my light in the storm!
For those of you who are not familiar with SPARK, check them out at sparkpeople.com. This is basically the Facebook of weightloss. You can track calories, exercise, find an eating plan, set up an exercise program... the benefits are endless but most importantly, there is so much hope, inspiration and motivation. If you struggle at all or are looking for support, I strongly urge you check out there website. You can also find my sparkpage at: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=330POUNDWOMAN
It can be a little overwhelming at first but before you know it, you will be able to use the website with your eyes closed. If you decide to join, add me as a friend and I will help you out anyway that I can.
With being true to my intent, I have to say, the last few days have been rough for me. Many of you know, I have been out of work for about seven months now. Needless, to say, it is taking its toll on me. Obviously there is the financial factor but mentally, it has been difficult as well.
I knew if I didn't find a job soon the day would come but I postponed it as long as I could. Instead of weighing in and measuring at the gym on June the second, I had to make a decision to cancel my gym membership. I was terrified to do it but you what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. There was just no other choice, I could no longer spend $35 a month to workout at the gym. I was almost in tears when I cancelled, but being the big girl I am, I held it back.
On my way home I went through a slew of emotions.
Frustration: I paid for that membership for years and never used it. FINALLY, I've been working out 5 months and now I can't afford it?!?! What is wrong with me, why didn't I take control of my health sooner?
DOUBT: You can't do this without Curves, you need resistance training and well... your not gonna do it on your own. You might as well get a pizza on the way home, your gonna gain the 53 pounds back and always be the big girl!
ANGER: Why is this happening to me?!?
My mind took over and thoughts flew back and forth. The biggest thing in my head was fear. Am I going to gain back the 53 pounds that I have lost? I will, I know I will... I can't do this without the gym. I am never going to lose the weight.
Thank goodness my sanity took control again, I could lose weight, I am losing weight! I have workout DVDs that I do on a regular basis, I walk, I hike, I bike! I quieted the voice within, somewhat at peace with my decision and my ability to tackle this without my gym membership.
When I got home, I decided it was time to SPARK, I grabbed a glass of water and started to log in to my laptop... and then it happened. I spilled a glass of water and the flood gates opened!
I cried for about two hours. Is that even possible? I assume that I only had that many tears because of all the water I drank over the weekend. I honestly must have drank about 6 gallons during my project warrior weekend! Clearly, I was bummed out and at my limit.
Of course, the flood was more about being scared of failing than making a huge mess. I just couldn't stop the doubt and insecurities. They hit me like a deer in headlights, I cried like a baby and then crawled in bed and went to sleep.
When I woke up, I decided that I needed to SPARK, I needed motivation and inspiration. I sit back down with a new glass of water and there it was: I was named DONE Girl of the month!
It could not have come at a better time. There are so many people that believe in me, that have faith in me. That actually see how strong I am even though I have doubts about myself. This honor, this feeling, it is amazing. I was just thrilled and in awe that I was chosen. It lifted my spirits and let me know, I am not in this alone, I don't need the gym... I CAN do this. Sure I am going to have to get out of my comfort zone and find new ways to get in that burn but it can be done!!! I am going to do this and I will not give up.
So I want to take a moment and thank the DONE GIRL Team, my blog followers and all the incredible SPARKERS who have given me inspiration, strength and motivation. You help me to believe in myself and know that it is not over, we all have set backs and all that matters is how we choose to look at them. My journey is not over, I am no where near that finish line but I am one step closer because of you. I really can not thank each of you enough for your support, encouragement and helping me believe in me when I felt like I couldn't do this anymore. You are my light in the storm!
For those of you who are not familiar with SPARK, check them out at sparkpeople.com. This is basically the Facebook of weightloss. You can track calories, exercise, find an eating plan, set up an exercise program... the benefits are endless but most importantly, there is so much hope, inspiration and motivation. If you struggle at all or are looking for support, I strongly urge you check out there website. You can also find my sparkpage at: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=330POUNDWOMAN
It can be a little overwhelming at first but before you know it, you will be able to use the website with your eyes closed. If you decide to join, add me as a friend and I will help you out anyway that I can.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Weekend Project Warrior
Friday morning when I woke up, I was sore from all the shoveling on Thursday but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I had another idea this morning and knew that I would be building a raised flowerbed. I was at Home Depot by 8:00 am. I received great service and was even served coffee, wow, I might need to come to Home Depot every morning! I explained to Mark what I wanted to do, drew a little diagram and told him I had no clue of what I was doing. Before you know it, I am leaving home depot with decorative stones, rebar, top soil, garden soil, a drilling hammer; and flowers. I can't wait to make it home and begin my project.
Before
During
Finished
WOW, I did that, can you believe it?!? Thanks to my Dad and my brother for letting me borrow a coal chisle to score and cut my bricks for the perfect fit. Friday was a success! Just another day of hard work and a girl determined to tackle a project. What a workout, 12 hours in the yard, digging, moving bricks, hammering in rebar, moving bricks, filing holes with sand and excess dirt, moving bricks, planting flowers and did I mention, moving bricks? It took me few times to figure it out exactly but I think it turned out great.
On Saturday morning, I didn't think I would be able to move, but I did. My son and I head back out to Home Depot and to Lowes for additional supplies, pavers, sand and a retaining edge. It was great having a helper.
We get home, unload our new materials and dig in, literally! We dig out a complete 4x6 area that was about 5 inches deep
install the retaining wall, level and pack the ground
We add sand and level that
We finally begin to add the paving stones
Now it's time to cut strait lines and right angles... oh no, I don't think I can do this. Thank goodness my father is great with Math and measurements, he came over and helped me figure out my right angle. When he left, I began to score the brick and oh no, the brick crumbled, I try another and another... oh no, they all crumble. At this rate, I am ready to scream. I call my Dad again, and he suggest I call it a night and ask Lowes how to cut the brick tomorrow. I take his advice.
On Sunday, I decided to forget it, I would return the brick and buy a brick that has a strait edge. I looked online at bricks at Lowes and Home Depot. I do a little math and calculate how many new bricks I will need. My son and I load all the paving stones back up and head back to Lowes. Of course, no one could tell me how to cut the brick. In frustration, I decide I will not buy the bricks from Lowes and head back to Home Depot. Before you know it, I am headed home with my new supplies, my son and I both looked at each other and said, we are almost done!
The new brick I purchased was 4 inches thick, we had to dig out a lot of sand from our work area. After doing so, we wet the sand and leveled it back out, we begin to install the bricks, creating a pattern, there are a few adjustments we need to make. My Son scores and cuts a few bricks
I score and cut a few bricks
Row by row we are so close to being done and then it happens: ONE BRICK SHORT! NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
My Son urges me to wait until Monday but of course, I can not rest until this patio is done! Back to Home Depot, one last brick!!!
I make it home pretty quickly, we pop in the brick, pour sand on top of the patio, fill the cracks and sweep it off... we are done!
4 Days, 34 laborous hours, 9 trips to Home Depot and Lowes, umpteen houndred pounds of brick, 6 hours of shoveling, 4 hours of leveling, 20 gallons of water and one small project idea later.... we were able to kick back and enjoy our new porch.
Before
During
Finished
WOW, I did that, can you believe it?!? Thanks to my Dad and my brother for letting me borrow a coal chisle to score and cut my bricks for the perfect fit. Friday was a success! Just another day of hard work and a girl determined to tackle a project. What a workout, 12 hours in the yard, digging, moving bricks, hammering in rebar, moving bricks, filing holes with sand and excess dirt, moving bricks, planting flowers and did I mention, moving bricks? It took me few times to figure it out exactly but I think it turned out great.
On Saturday morning, I didn't think I would be able to move, but I did. My son and I head back out to Home Depot and to Lowes for additional supplies, pavers, sand and a retaining edge. It was great having a helper.
We get home, unload our new materials and dig in, literally! We dig out a complete 4x6 area that was about 5 inches deep
install the retaining wall, level and pack the ground
We add sand and level that
We finally begin to add the paving stones
Now it's time to cut strait lines and right angles... oh no, I don't think I can do this. Thank goodness my father is great with Math and measurements, he came over and helped me figure out my right angle. When he left, I began to score the brick and oh no, the brick crumbled, I try another and another... oh no, they all crumble. At this rate, I am ready to scream. I call my Dad again, and he suggest I call it a night and ask Lowes how to cut the brick tomorrow. I take his advice.
On Sunday, I decided to forget it, I would return the brick and buy a brick that has a strait edge. I looked online at bricks at Lowes and Home Depot. I do a little math and calculate how many new bricks I will need. My son and I load all the paving stones back up and head back to Lowes. Of course, no one could tell me how to cut the brick. In frustration, I decide I will not buy the bricks from Lowes and head back to Home Depot. Before you know it, I am headed home with my new supplies, my son and I both looked at each other and said, we are almost done!
The new brick I purchased was 4 inches thick, we had to dig out a lot of sand from our work area. After doing so, we wet the sand and leveled it back out, we begin to install the bricks, creating a pattern, there are a few adjustments we need to make. My Son scores and cuts a few bricks
I score and cut a few bricks
Row by row we are so close to being done and then it happens: ONE BRICK SHORT! NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
My Son urges me to wait until Monday but of course, I can not rest until this patio is done! Back to Home Depot, one last brick!!!
I make it home pretty quickly, we pop in the brick, pour sand on top of the patio, fill the cracks and sweep it off... we are done!
4 Days, 34 laborous hours, 9 trips to Home Depot and Lowes, umpteen houndred pounds of brick, 6 hours of shoveling, 4 hours of leveling, 20 gallons of water and one small project idea later.... we were able to kick back and enjoy our new porch.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Project calling my name
This morning I had an itch to go to Home Depot. I have french doors that I wanted to cover the windows with decorative film. I head out the door around 8:15am. I make it to Home Depot in a matter of minutes, quickly greeted with smiles and warm faces. I find the decorative film and realize, I was not ready to make a decision, just so many choices. Being a penny pincher, I called Lowes to compare prices. Nine transfers and fifteen minutes later, I learn that Lowes has their decorative film priced cheaper. I quickly leave Home Depot and arrive at Lowes in a matter of minutes. As I walk into the store, there are plenty of employees but not one hello, how are you or even eye contact. Hmph, poor service, what a turn off. I decide it wouldn't stop me from getting the great deal I was quoted on the phone. Off to find the decorative film. I search and search and can't find it. Three employees later, I find the decorative film. WOW, the pricing is not what was quoted on the phone, it is much higher than what we discussed via phone. As I decide to head back to Home Depot, I decided to take a quick look in lawn and garden. Before you know it, I am leaving with pavers, sand, gloves and insect killer.
Okay, I did a complete 180 when it came to my project but I have really been wanting to do something in the front yard. When I got home, I unloaded my purchase, which I am proud to say that I loaded and unloaded by myself. I intended on taking before and after pics and well, I was so excited when I got home, I jumped right in and didn't get the before pic. I moved two large bushes, cleaned out weeds from my flower bed, filled a large hole (2ft deep, 3ft wide) with soil, dug out a small flower bed and grass area that I plan on paving. I also transfered grass from the area I dug onto the hole that I filled. I watered my bushes and also the transfered grass. I am so excited that I no longer have a huge hole in my front yard! Woo-Hoo! It looks so great, you can hardly even tell that it was a hole yesterday. I really hope my grass survives the transfer and roots well. Fingers crossed.
I am nearly finished digging out my area to be paved. Tomorrow, I hope to finish clearing my work area and level the ground. If all goes well, I will have it paved before end of day tomorrow! Woot-Woot! The area is about 4ft by 6'10" not huge but certainly big enough for my first project of this magnitude. I am going to have to make another trip tomorrow to pick up edging for the sand. I am excited to see how things turn out. Of course, I will post pics once I am done.
Disclaimer: I shoveled for 2 hours today and oh my goodness, momma is sore, S O R E, sore! I hope that I can move tomorrow, I worked in the yard for a total of 4 hours today and well, it was better than any gym workout that I have had in long time!
Okay, I did a complete 180 when it came to my project but I have really been wanting to do something in the front yard. When I got home, I unloaded my purchase, which I am proud to say that I loaded and unloaded by myself. I intended on taking before and after pics and well, I was so excited when I got home, I jumped right in and didn't get the before pic. I moved two large bushes, cleaned out weeds from my flower bed, filled a large hole (2ft deep, 3ft wide) with soil, dug out a small flower bed and grass area that I plan on paving. I also transfered grass from the area I dug onto the hole that I filled. I watered my bushes and also the transfered grass. I am so excited that I no longer have a huge hole in my front yard! Woo-Hoo! It looks so great, you can hardly even tell that it was a hole yesterday. I really hope my grass survives the transfer and roots well. Fingers crossed.
I am nearly finished digging out my area to be paved. Tomorrow, I hope to finish clearing my work area and level the ground. If all goes well, I will have it paved before end of day tomorrow! Woot-Woot! The area is about 4ft by 6'10" not huge but certainly big enough for my first project of this magnitude. I am going to have to make another trip tomorrow to pick up edging for the sand. I am excited to see how things turn out. Of course, I will post pics once I am done.
Disclaimer: I shoveled for 2 hours today and oh my goodness, momma is sore, S O R E, sore! I hope that I can move tomorrow, I worked in the yard for a total of 4 hours today and well, it was better than any gym workout that I have had in long time!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Plateau or No Plateau
As some of you may know, I have been at a plateau the entire month of May. The number on the scale has just sat at 278 pounds. Overall, I have had a good month, yes there was the no working out for six days and of course the binge however, for the most part, I have been going strong. Riding my bicycle, going to Curves, Hiking every weekend, Kettlebell and even my new found bootcamp, which I am enjoying. Who doesn't enjoy a little torture every now and then?!?!
Monday I was scheduled for my weekly weigh in and wouldn't you know, TOM decided to join me Sunday, oh, the joys of womanhood. Despite his visit, I weighed in at 277 pounds. Yes a one pound loss. Okay, this isn't a huge breakthrough or a monumental loss, heck it could be a fluctuation in water weight or even the outfit I was wearing. None the less, it is a loss.
I have updated my tracker and hope to see a bigger number next week. I have also spent some time thinking about the things that I have can do differently. I realize I have become comfortable, maybe a little too confident.
I am not tracking what I eat like I had been, with that being said I really do not know what I am consuming everyday. I guess about 1500 calories but that's it... it is just a guess.
No more guess work, I am back to tracking everything . I eat it, I track it. Also, while my exercise activity has changed like night and day, basically a complete 180, from nil to daily... I have been more sedentary as of late. Other than my basic household chores, cooking and cleaning, my workout is the only time I have been up and active. I am spending a lot of time online looking for work and in the evenings watching TV.
While I can't say that I have busted threw my plateau and I can say that I am committed to tracking what I eat and also being more active in my day to day activities. To putting my health first! I am gonna do this!
Monday I was scheduled for my weekly weigh in and wouldn't you know, TOM decided to join me Sunday, oh, the joys of womanhood. Despite his visit, I weighed in at 277 pounds. Yes a one pound loss. Okay, this isn't a huge breakthrough or a monumental loss, heck it could be a fluctuation in water weight or even the outfit I was wearing. None the less, it is a loss.
I have updated my tracker and hope to see a bigger number next week. I have also spent some time thinking about the things that I have can do differently. I realize I have become comfortable, maybe a little too confident.
I am not tracking what I eat like I had been, with that being said I really do not know what I am consuming everyday. I guess about 1500 calories but that's it... it is just a guess.
No more guess work, I am back to tracking everything . I eat it, I track it. Also, while my exercise activity has changed like night and day, basically a complete 180, from nil to daily... I have been more sedentary as of late. Other than my basic household chores, cooking and cleaning, my workout is the only time I have been up and active. I am spending a lot of time online looking for work and in the evenings watching TV.
While I can't say that I have busted threw my plateau and I can say that I am committed to tracking what I eat and also being more active in my day to day activities. To putting my health first! I am gonna do this!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
52 things I appreciate
Since January 2010, I have lost 52 pounds. Some people would say, wow, that's great! What are you doing? Your looking good kid! Your really doing it! I'd smile, thank them and maybe even feel a little fuzzy on the inside. It would only take a moment for my mind to start playing tricks on me. You see, the scale hasn't moved in 3 weeks. My weight has not crawled up or down. It is just there, sitting at 278 pounds. I guess you could say that I have hit a plateau.
Tomorrow, I have my weekly weigh in. Of course, there is a possibility that the scale could continue to sit at 278 pounds. I could easily become discouraged. But you know what? I am not going to play into that mental mind game. Instead, I am going to focus on 52 things that I appreciate.
52. Nature Centers
51. Hiking Trails
50. Sunrise
49. Sunsets
48. Lakes
47. Waterfalls
46. Bike Trails
45. Bicycles
44. Weekend Getaways
43. Roadtrips
42. Maps
41. Birds
40. Flowers
39. Trees
38. Camping
37. Tying my own shoes
36. Painting my own toenails
35. Afternoon Naps
34. Long Walks
33. Pony tail holders
32. Music
31. Dancing
30. Zumba
29. Curves
28. Skinny Cow Desserts
27. BBQ Grills
26. Water
25. Swimming Pools
24. Sunblock
23. Lunch with friends
22. A good book
21. A nice bottle of wine
20. Pedicures
19. Body Massages
18. Pets
17. Coffee in the afternoon
16. Kisses
15. Hugs
14. Spark
13. Spark Buddies
12. Walk away the Pounds
11. Hungry Girl
10. Movies
9. Laughs
8. Hope
7. Faith
6. Love
5. Joy
4. Friends
3. Family
2. My Son
1. God
I am still going, I am moving, working out, eating healthy and enjoying myself. So I am not discouraged, I am not going to beat myself up and I WILL NOT QUIT!
Tomorrow, I have my weekly weigh in. Of course, there is a possibility that the scale could continue to sit at 278 pounds. I could easily become discouraged. But you know what? I am not going to play into that mental mind game. Instead, I am going to focus on 52 things that I appreciate.
52. Nature Centers
51. Hiking Trails
50. Sunrise
49. Sunsets
48. Lakes
47. Waterfalls
46. Bike Trails
45. Bicycles
44. Weekend Getaways
43. Roadtrips
42. Maps
41. Birds
40. Flowers
39. Trees
38. Camping
37. Tying my own shoes
36. Painting my own toenails
35. Afternoon Naps
34. Long Walks
33. Pony tail holders
32. Music
31. Dancing
30. Zumba
29. Curves
28. Skinny Cow Desserts
27. BBQ Grills
26. Water
25. Swimming Pools
24. Sunblock
23. Lunch with friends
22. A good book
21. A nice bottle of wine
20. Pedicures
19. Body Massages
18. Pets
17. Coffee in the afternoon
16. Kisses
15. Hugs
14. Spark
13. Spark Buddies
12. Walk away the Pounds
11. Hungry Girl
10. Movies
9. Laughs
8. Hope
7. Faith
6. Love
5. Joy
4. Friends
3. Family
2. My Son
1. God
I am still going, I am moving, working out, eating healthy and enjoying myself. So I am not discouraged, I am not going to beat myself up and I WILL NOT QUIT!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Destination Travel Routes
Vacation, weekend getaways, a little R&R, visiting family, business, just because, frequent flyer miles, camping, and the girls getaway is just a few of the many reasons we travel.
First you pick your destination and you consider your travel options: airlines, road trip, train, bus or possibly even a boat, it just depends on the traveler. Everyone has there favorite way of traveling, personally, I enjoy road trips. I love riding down the road, with a map (no GPS for me folks) and someone I love beside me. The memories you share, the laughs, the games you play, the little stops along the way just make it so much more enjoyable. I don't now, there's just nothing better than someone I care about in the passenger seat and an open highway... you never know what to expect.
So let's say, you decide to take that road trip. You obviously know where your going, you pick your travel route, pack your bags, load up the car, grab your camera, fill up on gas and hit the road. You've brought along plenty of music and you might have even packed food and drinks for the trip.
You start off excited, you have a plan, your ready for fun and you finally get to the highway. Once you get on and you set your cruise control. The Speed Limit is 65 but your set at 70. As you drive along, visit with your company, sing along to the music, laugh at jokes and enjoy the scenery you might hit a road bump or a detour. Sometimes you have to pull over and stop unexpectedly.
As I think about that, I realize my journey to overcome obesity is exactly that, a road trip. I want to get from "here" 330 Pounds to "there" 135 Pounds. No matter what road I travel, my desitnation is 135 pounds.
So I am cruising down the highway at 70 MPH and then I notice that traffic is at a dead stand still 25 yards ahead... I have to stop. Eventually, the traffic will begin to move and if it doesn't, I would never just sit in the middle of the freeway perpetually, I'd find a new route, take the next exit, stop and get a fresh breath or air.
Just like the road trip, if you hit a detour along your destination to be healthy, you find another route. Your not completely derailed, your just simply stalled for a moment. And think about it, some of life's best memories are discovered on a detour.
So the next time you feel like you have no hope, or you think, wow, it was so easy to fall back into old habits, what is the point, but I have so much more to lose... I just can't, this seems impossible... STOP, erase those thoughts. Pull over, take the next exit and look for a new route. Revamp what your doing, come up with a new plan, one thing we know for sure, you can not just sit in the middle of the road, at some point, you have to make your way back home.
My point is, don't ever give up. Your worth it, you ventured away from home, your comfort zone, your trying new things and things get tough. Sometimes we can't see what is on the horizon beyond the hill or the mountain in front of us, but as we take one step at a time to get to the top we will get there. It may take longer than expected but at some point, you will reach your destination. Along the way, you will discover just how amazing you are.
As many of you know, last week was a low for me. I didn't work out for six days and I even binged. I was afraid of how easy it was to stop exercising and how quickly I ordered that pizza and ate fried fish, but you know what.... it was just as easy to get up and walk 3.5 miles on Saturday. Just putting on my workout gear on made me a little giddy inside, I was excited to get out and move. On Sunday, I enjoyed canoeing for an hour followed by a 2.5 mile hike. On Monday, I went to the gym and rode my bike for 3 miles. Tuesday, I rode 5.25 miles on bike and worked out at the gym. It was great! My body enjoyed it. So just as easy as it was to fall off track, it was just as easy to jump back on track. My trip is not over, I am still on my journey and headed towards my destination.
I exited the highway for a moment but I am on a new route. Cruise control set, back on the open road!
First you pick your destination and you consider your travel options: airlines, road trip, train, bus or possibly even a boat, it just depends on the traveler. Everyone has there favorite way of traveling, personally, I enjoy road trips. I love riding down the road, with a map (no GPS for me folks) and someone I love beside me. The memories you share, the laughs, the games you play, the little stops along the way just make it so much more enjoyable. I don't now, there's just nothing better than someone I care about in the passenger seat and an open highway... you never know what to expect.
So let's say, you decide to take that road trip. You obviously know where your going, you pick your travel route, pack your bags, load up the car, grab your camera, fill up on gas and hit the road. You've brought along plenty of music and you might have even packed food and drinks for the trip.
You start off excited, you have a plan, your ready for fun and you finally get to the highway. Once you get on and you set your cruise control. The Speed Limit is 65 but your set at 70. As you drive along, visit with your company, sing along to the music, laugh at jokes and enjoy the scenery you might hit a road bump or a detour. Sometimes you have to pull over and stop unexpectedly.
As I think about that, I realize my journey to overcome obesity is exactly that, a road trip. I want to get from "here" 330 Pounds to "there" 135 Pounds. No matter what road I travel, my desitnation is 135 pounds.
So I am cruising down the highway at 70 MPH and then I notice that traffic is at a dead stand still 25 yards ahead... I have to stop. Eventually, the traffic will begin to move and if it doesn't, I would never just sit in the middle of the freeway perpetually, I'd find a new route, take the next exit, stop and get a fresh breath or air.
Just like the road trip, if you hit a detour along your destination to be healthy, you find another route. Your not completely derailed, your just simply stalled for a moment. And think about it, some of life's best memories are discovered on a detour.
So the next time you feel like you have no hope, or you think, wow, it was so easy to fall back into old habits, what is the point, but I have so much more to lose... I just can't, this seems impossible... STOP, erase those thoughts. Pull over, take the next exit and look for a new route. Revamp what your doing, come up with a new plan, one thing we know for sure, you can not just sit in the middle of the road, at some point, you have to make your way back home.
My point is, don't ever give up. Your worth it, you ventured away from home, your comfort zone, your trying new things and things get tough. Sometimes we can't see what is on the horizon beyond the hill or the mountain in front of us, but as we take one step at a time to get to the top we will get there. It may take longer than expected but at some point, you will reach your destination. Along the way, you will discover just how amazing you are.
As many of you know, last week was a low for me. I didn't work out for six days and I even binged. I was afraid of how easy it was to stop exercising and how quickly I ordered that pizza and ate fried fish, but you know what.... it was just as easy to get up and walk 3.5 miles on Saturday. Just putting on my workout gear on made me a little giddy inside, I was excited to get out and move. On Sunday, I enjoyed canoeing for an hour followed by a 2.5 mile hike. On Monday, I went to the gym and rode my bike for 3 miles. Tuesday, I rode 5.25 miles on bike and worked out at the gym. It was great! My body enjoyed it. So just as easy as it was to fall off track, it was just as easy to jump back on track. My trip is not over, I am still on my journey and headed towards my destination.
I exited the highway for a moment but I am on a new route. Cruise control set, back on the open road!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Motivation Board
As I am working on taking things back to the basics, I decided to take advantage of my Friday night insomnia and I made my motivation board. It is something I have been intending to do for months and finally sat down and did it.
After completing it, I felt great! Not only did it look incredible, I really was able to put my creative side to use and felt so inspired. Everything that I placed on my board had meaning. With every cut, paste and stroke of my paint brush... I felt stronger. It helped me realize, I have come a long way and have so many great things to look forward to. I have a deep desire to take control of health for so many reasons and I was able to express it all on my motivation board.
I went through about 12 magazines and clipped pictures that jumped out at me, some I knew I would use and others, I thought, hmmm, I might use that. It captures my goals completely....
Does that look good or what?!?!?! LOL! Not to toot my own horn or anything but TOOT-TOOT! LOL! Let's take a closer look and I can explain what it all means to me...
The red dress signifies a strong and confident woman who loves all of her curves, the tape measure around the waist represents being my own biggest loser. Obviously, heart health means just that, having a strong healthy heart that is free of disease. Get Smart is actually written in various vegetables, so this is about choosing the foods that are healthy and are fuel for my body. Health is about overall health, underneath health it says: smart ways to live well, strategies for eating right and easy fitness plans. Happy is about enjoying life and being so happy that everyone notices and I shine, Cardio is about doing exercise to help keep my heart healthy and strong, Love healthy suppers is making healthy food choices every night and Body Love is about accepting every nook and cranny, every dimple, every scar; every mole; any imperfection that I create in my own head... being so comfortable in my own skin and appreciating the body the good Lord gave me.
Taking a closer look on the left
the top picture is a woman working out on the Curves circuit, this is important to me because not only is it a great workout that combines cardio and strength training, it keeps me sane and I burn up to 500 calories in 30 minutes... awesome! The next image is people standing in different positions to say "Never Stop Moving" I love this!!! I never want to take my health and legs for granted ever again, I want to move, dance, jump, hike, do cartwheels, stand on my hands, run; dive anytime, anyplace. I don't want my size or achy body to hold me back EVER again! There is also a picture of a beach, this is about traveling and seeing the world, my size held me back for so long and I don't want to live like that anymore. No more fear of seat belts on planes, fitting in roller coaster rides or worrying what someone will think of the large woman wearing a bathing suit walking on the shoreline or jumping in the pool. Below that the caption says, "Lose it and Keep it Off," which needs no explanation. The picture of a woman walking with a heart sunrise behind her is about being active, parking a little further than usual, taking the stairs, enjoying a nice walk or hike to keep my heart strong and healthy. Then, there is the bombshell in the denim outfit! Absolutely simple outfit but sexy as all get out, who knew that a pair of jeans and a denim shirt could look so good? Please understand that I don't expect to be that size but this picture is about being comfortable in your own skin and loving yourself. It is about being a strong, confident woman who loves her curves and loves being a woman, not arrogant or concieded, just the perfect balance of being comfortable with yourself and appreciating all the hard work you have put into your body.
Moving over to the right...
Family in bold letters is on the very top, next to my health, that is my number one priority. In smaller letters underneath Health it says "Building a Healthier Home" that is about having a healthy home mentally and physically, teaching my son how to respect and love himself, others and life. It also is about teaching my son to have a healthy relationship with food and understand the importance of nutrition. There is a grey circle, that is similar to a snow flake that says the"Great Outdoors" this goes back to being active and enjoying the outdoors during all seasons, even when it is cold or rainy outside. There is a picture of an ashtray and it says BUTT-OUT, this of course is about being a non-smoker, not only for myself but to be a positive role model for my son. How can I ask him not to smoke as I light up a cigarette? The money is about saving, that is so important to me that I have two Geico Money bundles, I hope to save a lot of money! There is a pink tape measure shaped as a heart, this symbolizes love, heart health and cancer awareness. On the far right, there is a archway covered in greenery, flowers and has a bird resting on the top, this represents my desire to have a beautiful yard that is my haven, a retreat, and backyard get away. Last but not least, there is a plant growing from soil, this is about planting beautiful flowers and growing a garden for my family... our very own fruit and vegetables to enjoy. What a great way to save money, exercise and eat healthy... what more can you ask for?
Needless to say, I am very pleased with the results and I proudly put it on display on my large dresser in my bedroom. I love to look at it. It is the first thing I see when I wake up, I see it when I walk in my room and it will also be the last thing that I look at before closing my eyes each night to go to sleep. What a great way to help me focus and reflect.
After completing it, I felt great! Not only did it look incredible, I really was able to put my creative side to use and felt so inspired. Everything that I placed on my board had meaning. With every cut, paste and stroke of my paint brush... I felt stronger. It helped me realize, I have come a long way and have so many great things to look forward to. I have a deep desire to take control of health for so many reasons and I was able to express it all on my motivation board.
I went through about 12 magazines and clipped pictures that jumped out at me, some I knew I would use and others, I thought, hmmm, I might use that. It captures my goals completely....
Does that look good or what?!?!?! LOL! Not to toot my own horn or anything but TOOT-TOOT! LOL! Let's take a closer look and I can explain what it all means to me...
The red dress signifies a strong and confident woman who loves all of her curves, the tape measure around the waist represents being my own biggest loser. Obviously, heart health means just that, having a strong healthy heart that is free of disease. Get Smart is actually written in various vegetables, so this is about choosing the foods that are healthy and are fuel for my body. Health is about overall health, underneath health it says: smart ways to live well, strategies for eating right and easy fitness plans. Happy is about enjoying life and being so happy that everyone notices and I shine, Cardio is about doing exercise to help keep my heart healthy and strong, Love healthy suppers is making healthy food choices every night and Body Love is about accepting every nook and cranny, every dimple, every scar; every mole; any imperfection that I create in my own head... being so comfortable in my own skin and appreciating the body the good Lord gave me.
Taking a closer look on the left
the top picture is a woman working out on the Curves circuit, this is important to me because not only is it a great workout that combines cardio and strength training, it keeps me sane and I burn up to 500 calories in 30 minutes... awesome! The next image is people standing in different positions to say "Never Stop Moving" I love this!!! I never want to take my health and legs for granted ever again, I want to move, dance, jump, hike, do cartwheels, stand on my hands, run; dive anytime, anyplace. I don't want my size or achy body to hold me back EVER again! There is also a picture of a beach, this is about traveling and seeing the world, my size held me back for so long and I don't want to live like that anymore. No more fear of seat belts on planes, fitting in roller coaster rides or worrying what someone will think of the large woman wearing a bathing suit walking on the shoreline or jumping in the pool. Below that the caption says, "Lose it and Keep it Off," which needs no explanation. The picture of a woman walking with a heart sunrise behind her is about being active, parking a little further than usual, taking the stairs, enjoying a nice walk or hike to keep my heart strong and healthy. Then, there is the bombshell in the denim outfit! Absolutely simple outfit but sexy as all get out, who knew that a pair of jeans and a denim shirt could look so good? Please understand that I don't expect to be that size but this picture is about being comfortable in your own skin and loving yourself. It is about being a strong, confident woman who loves her curves and loves being a woman, not arrogant or concieded, just the perfect balance of being comfortable with yourself and appreciating all the hard work you have put into your body.
Moving over to the right...
Family in bold letters is on the very top, next to my health, that is my number one priority. In smaller letters underneath Health it says "Building a Healthier Home" that is about having a healthy home mentally and physically, teaching my son how to respect and love himself, others and life. It also is about teaching my son to have a healthy relationship with food and understand the importance of nutrition. There is a grey circle, that is similar to a snow flake that says the"Great Outdoors" this goes back to being active and enjoying the outdoors during all seasons, even when it is cold or rainy outside. There is a picture of an ashtray and it says BUTT-OUT, this of course is about being a non-smoker, not only for myself but to be a positive role model for my son. How can I ask him not to smoke as I light up a cigarette? The money is about saving, that is so important to me that I have two Geico Money bundles, I hope to save a lot of money! There is a pink tape measure shaped as a heart, this symbolizes love, heart health and cancer awareness. On the far right, there is a archway covered in greenery, flowers and has a bird resting on the top, this represents my desire to have a beautiful yard that is my haven, a retreat, and backyard get away. Last but not least, there is a plant growing from soil, this is about planting beautiful flowers and growing a garden for my family... our very own fruit and vegetables to enjoy. What a great way to save money, exercise and eat healthy... what more can you ask for?
Needless to say, I am very pleased with the results and I proudly put it on display on my large dresser in my bedroom. I love to look at it. It is the first thing I see when I wake up, I see it when I walk in my room and it will also be the last thing that I look at before closing my eyes each night to go to sleep. What a great way to help me focus and reflect.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Now entering the Danger Zone
I have not put my finger on it, I am not really sure exactly what it is but I must admit, I have not worked out in 6 days. Yes, six whole days, like one, two, three, four, five, six. That is almost an entire week. The closest thing to exercise this week was me washing my car for 45 minutes but that is really just me trying to feel better about my choice to not exercise.
I say it is a choice because I decided not to make myself a priority this week. This is the only week since the first week of January 2010 that I have not exercised at least 5 days. Okay, there was the week in April that I had oral surgery and was only able to work out for three days.
When my journey began in January, I was not sure what I was going to do but I knew that my health had to become a priority. I could not allow food to consume me any longer. I didn't really have a plan other than blogging, as a matter of fact, my Mom and I laughed and joked that my plan was to write myself thin. Since then, I have began working out, eating healthy, quit smoking and making myself as a priority. I have also lost 52 pounds, 30 inches, walked and biked over 192 miles (not counting everyday walking). I began to enjoy hiking, being in the great outdoors, and being active with my son.
I also learned the importance of counting my calories, which I have not done in six days as well. I don't want to admit this but I had a mishap yesterday... I ordered a Pizza for dinner, which is not unforgivable... but I stopped at Long John Silver on my way to pick up the pizza. I ate one piece of fish, fries and two hush puppies. In my head, I told myself it was okay because I didn't eat lunch yesterday, but I knew that feeling... the gut wrenching I am losing control and I don't care feeling. You know, the feeling that food is the only thing that can satisfy "that feeling." I have not binged since December 2009. I turned off that voice in my head and said to hell with it, I am doing this and I did. After eating my Long John Silver, I picked up my Pizza. When I got out the car to go inside, I checked my shirt from crumbs, or otherwise evidence of my act. Phew, no evidence. I go inside and pick up my pizza and head home. By the time I began to serve dinner, I was so full. I ignored it and put three pieces of pizza on my plate and said, what the heck and grabbed the Ranch. I forced myself to eat one piece and I was miserable. I looked at my plate, there are two pieces there.... I eat a few bites of another piece. My inner voice came back and I shut her out again. I finished the second piece. I knew I should go and put the third piece back in the box but I didn't want to . Something inside of me knew I would eat the third piece. It was an hour later, but I did, I ate it. I have not eaten that much in a long long time.
Today, as I think about what I did, I can't say I completely understand it. I can make 100 excused but the bottom line they would be exactly that... EXCUSES. This is deeper than an excuse, I actually chose to put myself on the back burner and ignored my body, ultimately ignoring my health. That is a dangerous unhealthy place to be.
Taking it all back to the basics, this is about my health. Not a desire to be skinny or thin, this is about prolonging my life and being healthy mentally and physically.
I have got to get to the bottom of this and find the nearest EXIT and get the heck out dodge, the danger zone is no place to be.
I don't like to be negative or dwell on things that bother me but I really feel like I need to address them to get out of this funk. Most of my life, I have always worn the smile so no one would know what was wrong and then I would use food to release my emotions (hey... am I on to something here?!?!?!). So I need to express this and keep it real, no more faking it till I make it.
I was laid off in Nov 09, this is the first time in my adult life that I have not had a job. By the grace of God, I am making it but I am scared. I am a single Mother with a Mortgage and the money is gone. My unemployment only covers my Mortgage and car payment. I am so stressed about this that I am no longer sleeping. I have fallen into a bout of insomnia. This is hard for a person that usually falls to sleep in 4.5 seconds of my head hitting the pillow. As of late, I may not actually go to bed until 8 o'clock in the morning. I was actually so tired the other day that I cried because I wanted to go to sleep (man am I playing this violin or what?).
Beyond not sleeping, I haven't had many call backs to applications that I have put in. In March I began interviewing with one company, succeeded to interview with 8 people, facilitate a presentation, and then present a solution to a business case study. I really thought I had it, I really wanted the job, not just because I needed it but because I liked the people, the opportunity and could see this taking my career to the next level. I found out Wednesday that I did not get it. I was disappointed, really disappointed. Of course, I trust the Lord will put me where I need to be and do what is best for my family but the flesh, the human side, was still disappointed and discouraged.
This week, I have been feeling a little lonely. I miss people, I miss having somewhere to go everyday, people to talk to, a purpose bigger than me. I would also like to actually go to a company and apply for a job, I am tired of spending my day on the net... it is so impersonal, but this is the way of our time. Apply online, apply online, apply online.
Okay, enough is enough... I actually feel better writing all of this down.... I am sorry that your eyes had to see it but I appreciate you hearing me out. Please know that I am not looking for sympathy I just needed to let it out. Thank you for being there for me and helping me work through this.
My plan is to keep it basic and focus on why I am on this journey. Recommit to the affirmation on my mirror "Taking control of my Life." Create a visual to remind myself why I am doing this, write down my goals and forgive myself for the last six days. Refer to my mantra: "One meal at a time, one day at a time" and "I want to be healthy."
Most importantly, I will forgive myself for the last six days and keep moving. When I don't feel like doing it, I will seek out my Inner Drill Sergeant and get it done!
I say it is a choice because I decided not to make myself a priority this week. This is the only week since the first week of January 2010 that I have not exercised at least 5 days. Okay, there was the week in April that I had oral surgery and was only able to work out for three days.
When my journey began in January, I was not sure what I was going to do but I knew that my health had to become a priority. I could not allow food to consume me any longer. I didn't really have a plan other than blogging, as a matter of fact, my Mom and I laughed and joked that my plan was to write myself thin. Since then, I have began working out, eating healthy, quit smoking and making myself as a priority. I have also lost 52 pounds, 30 inches, walked and biked over 192 miles (not counting everyday walking). I began to enjoy hiking, being in the great outdoors, and being active with my son.
I also learned the importance of counting my calories, which I have not done in six days as well. I don't want to admit this but I had a mishap yesterday... I ordered a Pizza for dinner, which is not unforgivable... but I stopped at Long John Silver on my way to pick up the pizza. I ate one piece of fish, fries and two hush puppies. In my head, I told myself it was okay because I didn't eat lunch yesterday, but I knew that feeling... the gut wrenching I am losing control and I don't care feeling. You know, the feeling that food is the only thing that can satisfy "that feeling." I have not binged since December 2009. I turned off that voice in my head and said to hell with it, I am doing this and I did. After eating my Long John Silver, I picked up my Pizza. When I got out the car to go inside, I checked my shirt from crumbs, or otherwise evidence of my act. Phew, no evidence. I go inside and pick up my pizza and head home. By the time I began to serve dinner, I was so full. I ignored it and put three pieces of pizza on my plate and said, what the heck and grabbed the Ranch. I forced myself to eat one piece and I was miserable. I looked at my plate, there are two pieces there.... I eat a few bites of another piece. My inner voice came back and I shut her out again. I finished the second piece. I knew I should go and put the third piece back in the box but I didn't want to . Something inside of me knew I would eat the third piece. It was an hour later, but I did, I ate it. I have not eaten that much in a long long time.
Today, as I think about what I did, I can't say I completely understand it. I can make 100 excused but the bottom line they would be exactly that... EXCUSES. This is deeper than an excuse, I actually chose to put myself on the back burner and ignored my body, ultimately ignoring my health. That is a dangerous unhealthy place to be.
Taking it all back to the basics, this is about my health. Not a desire to be skinny or thin, this is about prolonging my life and being healthy mentally and physically.
I have got to get to the bottom of this and find the nearest EXIT and get the heck out dodge, the danger zone is no place to be.
I don't like to be negative or dwell on things that bother me but I really feel like I need to address them to get out of this funk. Most of my life, I have always worn the smile so no one would know what was wrong and then I would use food to release my emotions (hey... am I on to something here?!?!?!). So I need to express this and keep it real, no more faking it till I make it.
I was laid off in Nov 09, this is the first time in my adult life that I have not had a job. By the grace of God, I am making it but I am scared. I am a single Mother with a Mortgage and the money is gone. My unemployment only covers my Mortgage and car payment. I am so stressed about this that I am no longer sleeping. I have fallen into a bout of insomnia. This is hard for a person that usually falls to sleep in 4.5 seconds of my head hitting the pillow. As of late, I may not actually go to bed until 8 o'clock in the morning. I was actually so tired the other day that I cried because I wanted to go to sleep (man am I playing this violin or what?).
Beyond not sleeping, I haven't had many call backs to applications that I have put in. In March I began interviewing with one company, succeeded to interview with 8 people, facilitate a presentation, and then present a solution to a business case study. I really thought I had it, I really wanted the job, not just because I needed it but because I liked the people, the opportunity and could see this taking my career to the next level. I found out Wednesday that I did not get it. I was disappointed, really disappointed. Of course, I trust the Lord will put me where I need to be and do what is best for my family but the flesh, the human side, was still disappointed and discouraged.
This week, I have been feeling a little lonely. I miss people, I miss having somewhere to go everyday, people to talk to, a purpose bigger than me. I would also like to actually go to a company and apply for a job, I am tired of spending my day on the net... it is so impersonal, but this is the way of our time. Apply online, apply online, apply online.
Okay, enough is enough... I actually feel better writing all of this down.... I am sorry that your eyes had to see it but I appreciate you hearing me out. Please know that I am not looking for sympathy I just needed to let it out. Thank you for being there for me and helping me work through this.
My plan is to keep it basic and focus on why I am on this journey. Recommit to the affirmation on my mirror "Taking control of my Life." Create a visual to remind myself why I am doing this, write down my goals and forgive myself for the last six days. Refer to my mantra: "One meal at a time, one day at a time" and "I want to be healthy."
Most importantly, I will forgive myself for the last six days and keep moving. When I don't feel like doing it, I will seek out my Inner Drill Sergeant and get it done!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Cravings
Have you ever just had a craving? Like a gut wrenching, gotta have it, want it right now craving? I am not sure what overcame me, but I walked into the store, went strait to the cookie aisle and before you know it, I was standing in line with not one, but three bags of cookies. Yes, three bags! I had a bag of Iced Circus Cookies, Coconut Cocadas and the very evil Danish Wedding Cookies.
Fortunately, there was a line at the register, even in self-checkout. As I stood there, wishing everyone would hurry up, so I could get the heck out of the store and into my ever favorite Danish Wedding Cookies, I began fighting with myself. I looked at myself and wondered, what the hell am I doing? I look at the cookies and the caloric value, oh man, this is terrible. I don't care, I want these cookies. I look over my shoulder to make sure I didn't see anyone that I knew. Nope, no one to stop me. Oh man... what the heck. I can't do this. But I want this! I want to eat those cookies! What, 4 little cookies are 130 calories, oh my goodness, there about the size of a freaking quarter, are you serious and just forget about nutritional value. 13 servings in the box??? I hate to admit this but I knew I would eat the entire box before the night was over, maybe even before I got home.
I check over my shoulder again and then I see it, there she is... that 330 pound woman looking back at me in the glass reflection, not only was she starring at me, she was standing there holding three bags of cookies! Then it hit me, if I walk out of this store with those cookies, I would always be the 330 pound woman.
I put the cookies down and calmly walked out. On the way to my car, I couldn't understand what was happening. I wanted those cookies but I know I would have no self control if I had them at my home.
I am happy to say that I didn't buy the cookies but I have thought about them, and I know this won't be the last time that I do. I know that my lifestyle change doesn't mean that I can never ever eat a cookie again but I also know that I am a compulsive eater and there is no way I could be trusted around a dozen cookies much less a bag of them.
When will that stop? My compulsive desire to eat, eat, eat?
Part of me believes I wanted the cookies so badly as a reward. Somewhere inside of me, an accomplishment deserves a food reward. The reason I say that is because over the weekend, family that I haven't seen in a while complemented me on my weight. Of course it felt great. On Monday, my Mom said, "I can't believe how big your pants are on you, they are practically falling off, I bet you don't even have to unbutton or unzip them to put them on or take them off" Which, is true, and it feels good to have someone notice that but why does it trigger my desire to eat?
Hmmm, something to ponder....
Fortunately, there was a line at the register, even in self-checkout. As I stood there, wishing everyone would hurry up, so I could get the heck out of the store and into my ever favorite Danish Wedding Cookies, I began fighting with myself. I looked at myself and wondered, what the hell am I doing? I look at the cookies and the caloric value, oh man, this is terrible. I don't care, I want these cookies. I look over my shoulder to make sure I didn't see anyone that I knew. Nope, no one to stop me. Oh man... what the heck. I can't do this. But I want this! I want to eat those cookies! What, 4 little cookies are 130 calories, oh my goodness, there about the size of a freaking quarter, are you serious and just forget about nutritional value. 13 servings in the box??? I hate to admit this but I knew I would eat the entire box before the night was over, maybe even before I got home.
I check over my shoulder again and then I see it, there she is... that 330 pound woman looking back at me in the glass reflection, not only was she starring at me, she was standing there holding three bags of cookies! Then it hit me, if I walk out of this store with those cookies, I would always be the 330 pound woman.
I put the cookies down and calmly walked out. On the way to my car, I couldn't understand what was happening. I wanted those cookies but I know I would have no self control if I had them at my home.
I am happy to say that I didn't buy the cookies but I have thought about them, and I know this won't be the last time that I do. I know that my lifestyle change doesn't mean that I can never ever eat a cookie again but I also know that I am a compulsive eater and there is no way I could be trusted around a dozen cookies much less a bag of them.
When will that stop? My compulsive desire to eat, eat, eat?
Part of me believes I wanted the cookies so badly as a reward. Somewhere inside of me, an accomplishment deserves a food reward. The reason I say that is because over the weekend, family that I haven't seen in a while complemented me on my weight. Of course it felt great. On Monday, my Mom said, "I can't believe how big your pants are on you, they are practically falling off, I bet you don't even have to unbutton or unzip them to put them on or take them off" Which, is true, and it feels good to have someone notice that but why does it trigger my desire to eat?
Hmmm, something to ponder....
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Strength
An eight letter word that we have used since elementary; possibly before then. When the word rolls off of your tongue, do you even think about it? It's an automatic word, not anything that requires a lot of thought, it is a word that has been etched in stone in our memory bank. Just another random word that we toss around on a regular basis.
Ask someone what strength means to them and trust me, you will get a different response from everyone. So I have to ask you, what exactly is strength?
Per the dictionary, strength is a noun with several definitions:
1. the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor.
2. mental power, force, or vigor.
3. moral power, firmness, or courage.
4. power by reason of influence, authority, resources, numbers, etc.
That was just to name a few, there were actually 12 different definitions provided. Wow, this small word has so many meanings. As I sat there and gave it a little thought... something jumped out at me. Related Forms: SELF-STRENGTH.
WOW, that amazed me, how empowering. SELF-STRENGTH! Then as I read a little further, I saw it and my utmost attention was captured:
Strength, power, force, might suggest capacity to do something. Strength is inherent capacity to manifest energy, to endure, and to resist. Power is capacity to do work and to act. Force is the exercise of power: One has the power to do something. He exerts force when he does it. He has sufficient strength to complete it. Might is power or strength in a great or overwhelming degree: the might of an army.
Man, this is deep. THE POWER TO DO SOMETHING! TO MANIFEST ENERGY, TO ENDURE AND TO RESIST!
And it hits me. As I have set out to overcome obesity, I have found my self-strength. The power to do something. I have manifested energy to endure and resist temptations (which of course, some temptations have gotten the best of me) but I continue to move forward which will give me the sufficient strength to complete my goal! Yes, little ol me is full of self-powering strength.
In finding my strength I have also built muscle. I am capable of doing things physically that I can not believe but mentally, I am concurring obstacles and discovering just how strong I really am.
I realize that my body feels so good. My body loves to exercise, it responds to activity. I find it hard to sit in a movie now, I get so bored, sitting there. I want to get up and dance, I want to run, I want to jump, I want to play! My body wants to be active.
Don't get me wrong, there are those days that I struggle. I don't feel like getting up and moving, but I find the strength and I do it. Afterwards, my body thanks me. My body celebrates by losing inches, taking form and new shape. Although I am still very large, I see things changing and it amazes me. I push myself to new limits everyday. Today, I was able to jump rope for 225 sets. I was in complete awe of this accomplishment. To some, my victories may be minor but to a woman who was 330 pounds and smoked a pack and half of cigarettes a day merely 4 months ago, my victories are triumphant!
While my journey is no where near complete, I am proud to say that I have the PHYSICAL and MENTAL STRENGTH that is required to make it to the finish line.
I will not put myself down, I will not wish to be a "thin" person, I will not allow someone to rob me of my victories for I have STRENGTH!
Have you discovered yours?
Ask someone what strength means to them and trust me, you will get a different response from everyone. So I have to ask you, what exactly is strength?
Per the dictionary, strength is a noun with several definitions:
1. the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor.
2. mental power, force, or vigor.
3. moral power, firmness, or courage.
4. power by reason of influence, authority, resources, numbers, etc.
That was just to name a few, there were actually 12 different definitions provided. Wow, this small word has so many meanings. As I sat there and gave it a little thought... something jumped out at me. Related Forms: SELF-STRENGTH.
WOW, that amazed me, how empowering. SELF-STRENGTH! Then as I read a little further, I saw it and my utmost attention was captured:
Strength, power, force, might suggest capacity to do something. Strength is inherent capacity to manifest energy, to endure, and to resist. Power is capacity to do work and to act. Force is the exercise of power: One has the power to do something. He exerts force when he does it. He has sufficient strength to complete it. Might is power or strength in a great or overwhelming degree: the might of an army.
Man, this is deep. THE POWER TO DO SOMETHING! TO MANIFEST ENERGY, TO ENDURE AND TO RESIST!
And it hits me. As I have set out to overcome obesity, I have found my self-strength. The power to do something. I have manifested energy to endure and resist temptations (which of course, some temptations have gotten the best of me) but I continue to move forward which will give me the sufficient strength to complete my goal! Yes, little ol me is full of self-powering strength.
In finding my strength I have also built muscle. I am capable of doing things physically that I can not believe but mentally, I am concurring obstacles and discovering just how strong I really am.
I realize that my body feels so good. My body loves to exercise, it responds to activity. I find it hard to sit in a movie now, I get so bored, sitting there. I want to get up and dance, I want to run, I want to jump, I want to play! My body wants to be active.
Don't get me wrong, there are those days that I struggle. I don't feel like getting up and moving, but I find the strength and I do it. Afterwards, my body thanks me. My body celebrates by losing inches, taking form and new shape. Although I am still very large, I see things changing and it amazes me. I push myself to new limits everyday. Today, I was able to jump rope for 225 sets. I was in complete awe of this accomplishment. To some, my victories may be minor but to a woman who was 330 pounds and smoked a pack and half of cigarettes a day merely 4 months ago, my victories are triumphant!
While my journey is no where near complete, I am proud to say that I have the PHYSICAL and MENTAL STRENGTH that is required to make it to the finish line.
I will not put myself down, I will not wish to be a "thin" person, I will not allow someone to rob me of my victories for I have STRENGTH!
Have you discovered yours?
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